Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Feeling good, missing her...

I was able to kick the depression.

I took some will power and workouts...and some LSD.

I had to change my mindset and get excited about what I do again.  Re-energize.

Things are going well, better than ever.

The Spinner has not contacted me or answered any contact since the beginning of the year.  It is the longest that I have gone not seeing her since I met her in 2010.  I do not send her messages very often, about once a month or so.  She does not answer....ever.

It makes me sad, it makes me miss her.  The pain of her cutting off contact was rather deep for a while.  I had to "work through it" rather privately.  It just takes time.

I still get longings for her, I remember all the good times, I remember her smell and her taste, her energy and youth.  I look at her facebook every now and then.  I can only see her profile pictures, we are not friends.  They are a small look inside her life that I am no longer a part of...I never really was.

I have also not been with a professional in quite a while.  It is not the same anymore.  I did see a girl that I really liked and we had a great time.  It was too quick and in the end there was no connection, just sex, and it cost WAY too much.  That was many months ago, I did it to try and forget the Spinner.

I know that I am better off without her, and she is better off without me.  I am most likely better off just not playing with fire.  I get urges to go out again but the fear of getting caught by my wife or the police keeps me in line.  I also don't want to spend the money right now.

I am focusing on my family, my sanity, my house, my work and making some damn money...and my Tumblr porn...lol....

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