I was able to kick the depression.
I took some will power and workouts...and some LSD.
I had to change my mindset and get excited about what I do again. Re-energize.
Things are going well, better than ever.
The Spinner has not contacted me or answered any contact since the beginning of the year. It is the longest that I have gone not seeing her since I met her in 2010. I do not send her messages very often, about once a month or so. She does not answer....ever.
It makes me sad, it makes me miss her. The pain of her cutting off contact was rather deep for a while. I had to "work through it" rather privately. It just takes time.
I still get longings for her, I remember all the good times, I remember her smell and her taste, her energy and youth. I look at her facebook every now and then. I can only see her profile pictures, we are not friends. They are a small look inside her life that I am no longer a part of...I never really was.
I have also not been with a professional in quite a while. It is not the same anymore. I did see a girl that I really liked and we had a great time. It was too quick and in the end there was no connection, just sex, and it cost WAY too much. That was many months ago, I did it to try and forget the Spinner.
I know that I am better off without her, and she is better off without me. I am most likely better off just not playing with fire. I get urges to go out again but the fear of getting caught by my wife or the police keeps me in line. I also don't want to spend the money right now.
I am focusing on my family, my sanity, my house, my work and making some damn money...and my Tumblr porn...lol....