Thursday, December 10, 2015

F4TF #2 – The Fine Line

In a monogamous relationship what constitutes cheating?
Is sexting cheating?
A stolen kiss at a party?
What about enjoying sexual fantasies about a co-worker or your spouse’s friend?
Where is the line?

So, I will join in.  Play along here

Let's get one thing clear to start, I am a cheater.  I make no bones about it.  I rationalize my behavior to some extent but for the most part I just compartmentalize and exist.

In my heart, totally non judgmental, I believe like Jimmy Carter believed.  A statement from his 1976 Playboy interview:
Christ said, "I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery." I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do—and I have done it—and God forgives me for it. But that doesn't mean that I condemn someone who not only looks on a woman with lust but who leaves his wife and shacks up with somebody out of wedlock. Christ says, don't consider yourself better than someone else because one guy screws a whole bunch of women while the other guy is loyal to his wife. The guy who's loyal to his wife ought not to be condescending or proud because of the relative degree of sinfulness.
If you have cheated.
If you kiss you have cheated.
If you jack off to the vision of another woman, you have cheated.
The line is rather clear from my point of view...which is over my shoulder most of the time, the questions stated a monogamous relationship.  However, your particular point of view is what shapes this.  If you are in a poly relationship or an open relationship the rules change.  There must be agreement between the parties involved and open communication.  If only one has knowledge of the event then it is cheating.
I also do not judge someone who sexts, kisses or strokes the king with another person in mind.  If it were up to me we would be open with all of this.  Hell if it were up to me my spouse and I would fuck people together, or she would look at sex as a long hug or a massage.
Thus my reality and my excuse/rationalization/complete bullshit that I tell myself.  My wife is not open, she is not poly and she believes any form of sexual anything should be between a husband and wife only.  When I bring up the idea of open sex or experimenting she gets mad and shuts it down...always has.  Even sex between a man and a wife is done in the dark in one position and as a duty, it is what we are suppose to do.
Does she want it...she says so.  Words are one thing...action is another.
Here is my rationalization and complete bull shit reason for doing what I do:
I am a good dog, I will stay on the porch...but you have to rub my belly every now and then...I will still come home to eat...but unless there is a reason to be on the porch...I am gone....

1 comment:

  1. Brutally honest. I may not agree with your definition of cheating, but I completely understand where you are coming from. We all have needs and we should neither judge nor condemn anyone for the actions they take to meet those needs.

    Where there is a clear imbalance of sexual need/desire in a relationship such as you have described then it is either neither parties' fault or both parties equal "fault" when the one with more active needs seeks out ways to meet them. We certainly should not judge either of them

    Thanks for sharing.