tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56217002735732817322024-02-07T13:43:30.180-08:00Secret Life of a GentlemanA blog that is being reinstated after a long hiatus. It was a sex blog that chronicled my experiences but turned into a way to vent about my life...
I would like it to be a little bit of both as I need to vent again...and I would love to talk about sex more.
I hope you enjoy.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-40037323881708941132022-07-15T01:00:00.000-07:002022-07-15T01:00:00.175-07:00FFF: The tuning<p> FFF: July 15th</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiIdaKf3enAdP-8_Za7Pnh92f1GNtI83aK1BYsjPfMHpgOMj1UvyC8zDdCeyWlX10-OapeH3P07q79gZGS0pd2q2gl0D-L3xS4byMeE45DcgFA9REYYgq6pxCo7feY-VsTNccPHCDwbgrflePbiy9yy2K4CbtM9_4T0AXUNf5_9cBQHXCUgotTUkKNX2A" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="400" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiIdaKf3enAdP-8_Za7Pnh92f1GNtI83aK1BYsjPfMHpgOMj1UvyC8zDdCeyWlX10-OapeH3P07q79gZGS0pd2q2gl0D-L3xS4byMeE45DcgFA9REYYgq6pxCo7feY-VsTNccPHCDwbgrflePbiy9yy2K4CbtM9_4T0AXUNf5_9cBQHXCUgotTUkKNX2A" width="320" /></a></div><b style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px;">Word Limit:</b><span face="Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13.2px;"> 170-190</span><p></p><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px;"><b>Key Words:</b> compose, propose</div><p></p><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px;"><b>Forbidden Words:</b> red, said</div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px;"><br /><p class="MsoNormal">Delila's long flowing light brown hair looked as soft as silk
cascading down her back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was shocked
at her nakedness, but she was composed and comfortable and it set me at ease. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I followed her as she strode barefoot across
the wood floor, her ass jiggling with every step in the most attractive way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She stopped at the piano and turned toward me. My eyes
betrayed me, scanning her toned body before catching her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled demurely. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My tongue seemed to be tied down and I could
not make a sound. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I raised an eyebrow
and took a deep breath in and out.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“I find it freeing to compose in the nude.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her accent was fittingly French.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“However, one key seems a little flat.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I found my voice, “May I ask which one?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Turning, she lifted herself onto the piano, laying across
the music rack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her finger traced her
lips and as she scanned the keyboard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Slowly her arm moved across the keys causing her hair to draped down the
case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A delicate finger pressed down on
a key.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Yes,” I breathed, “I can fix that.”<o:p></o:p></p><br /></div>Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-50930411186934193072022-07-14T08:52:00.003-07:002022-07-14T08:52:36.311-07:00TMI Tuesday: Late as always...<p>Looky Looky</p><p>1. What movie dialogue do you know by heart?</p><p>I know a lot of movies and have that ability to quote lines. I am not sure if I know the entire dialogue of any entire movie by heart. I love quoting Couples Retreat and Wanderlust. There are a lot of great one liners. I might be able to quote a lot of Monty Python movies by heart, that sure shows my age.</p><p>2. Which show do you watch the most?</p><p>I really don't watch shows anymore. I binge series or watch movies. I also watch anything from Action to Romance. I am not a horror fan and reality TV is the worst thing ever and I avoid it like the plague. I have tried to watch "Housewife" genera shows and I cannot. It is the worst kind of manufactured drama ever.</p><p>3. Do you get shy on camera?</p><p>Depends, if I am remembering a script then I will forget my lines and look like an idiot. If I have a teleprompter I am better but I hate looking at myself. If I am recording sex for fun then I think I am an amazing pornstar...lol. My favorite porn is what I have recorded myself and I watch it often.</p><p>4. How often do you take selfies?</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>a. Once a week</p><p>b. A few times a week</p><p>c. Every day</p><p>d. Never</p></blockquote><p>Rarely. I have gotten older and what I look like vs what I imagine I look like are very different. I usually choose to just delete them rather then post them anywhere.</p><p>5. Do you like being watched?</p><p>Doing what? Fucking? I have only had a couple people watch me fuck. At the time I did not mind at all. If you are judging me as you watch then I will most likely mind...</p><p>If you are enjoying then I really don't care at all. I don't mind being naked or having people look at me. I am not a a chiseled god anymore but I also am not obese. I am comfortable with how I am and how I look, so if you want to watch then go right ahead. I would prefer people to join in... Why watch when you can ride along?</p><p>Bonus: What’s the last thing you got in trouble for?</p><p>What do you mean by trouble? I don't get in trouble...Shit happens but I really don't have to answer to anyone. I don't break the law (very much) so there is no trouble there... </p><p>I guess you could consider a bad business decision two years ago has put me in trouble but I am the boss and I thought I was making a good decision at the time. When I realized that it was not the correct decision it was because of world events beyond my control, and I adjusted. I have to deal with the fallout but I am not "in trouble' with anyone, I just have to take the financial hit and keep going.</p><p>Seems like the question is either for a younger person or someone who lacks control of their life....</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHL2id9OGciyfXK0W7NCXgRDfTSxHp5KXdUwSCA6GMJuYTmon6QmLXoz7ol2u8i1hauqGNRC4toxbAs7B1rc0w7oCcwPA7RPtubPuzH-176XNWml5pCJs8IiO5Qfh8PoiXv34dxSSzY7QC8M4yqM8sf_iOtrRyZqjCqQX2E7rgHasDz63-Il4X-3ofbw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="185" data-original-width="206" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHL2id9OGciyfXK0W7NCXgRDfTSxHp5KXdUwSCA6GMJuYTmon6QmLXoz7ol2u8i1hauqGNRC4toxbAs7B1rc0w7oCcwPA7RPtubPuzH-176XNWml5pCJs8IiO5Qfh8PoiXv34dxSSzY7QC8M4yqM8sf_iOtrRyZqjCqQX2E7rgHasDz63-Il4X-3ofbw" width="267" /></a></div><br /><a href="https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/">https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/</a><p></p>Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-14097934863894169492022-07-12T18:08:00.001-07:002022-07-12T18:08:35.319-07:00Time to start dreaming again<p>Right now I need this outlet.</p><p>I need to have a fantasy world that I can escape to and revel in my sexual desires. I have been SSRI'ed for the past two years and nothing has gotten better. It is the Russian Waltz, one step forward, two steps back. You feel like you are gaining ground but the shore keeps getting farther away.</p><p>I did see the Spinner one last time a little over a year ago now. I did not know it would be the last...at least for now. She is no longer texting or posting on social media. I have not idea what is going on or where she is. She could be dead and I would not know. I have mixed feelings about it all.</p><p>The last time was after a few false starts. We set up times and then she cancelled or ghosted...the usual.</p><p>When I finally arrived we talked for a few minutes but the sexual tension was just too much. In the bedroom we kissed and I felt myself melt into her. She tore my belt and pants down and pushed me onto the bench at the foot of her bed. She took me into her mouth and pulled her pants off at the same time. He cute little ass wiggle as she shed the tight jeans off her hips made me smile.</p><p>Her pants and panties were kicked to the side and she grabbed my cock and kissed me deeply as she moved forward and mounted me. It was the fastest I had ever been inside of her. Foreplay is usually prolonged as I love to taste and feel her body and listen to her loud sex sounds fill my soul. She ground against me and fucked me hard, like she needed me as deep as possible in her.</p><p>I held her as we fucked and kissed. Her lips and tongue sliding over mine, so sloppy and wonderful. She moaned into my mouth and I inhaled her breath, I love every part of her and could not get enough. We parted to remove her shirt and I took her wonderful breast in my hand and sucked the nipple as it hardened. She held my head and we crushed into each other. The footboard of the bed was cutting into my back so I kicked off my boots and pants and picked her up in my arms.</p><p>I love how light she is and how I am able to just carry her and fuck her. I also miss my strength and stamina, being out of shape does not support acrobatic sex acts. I carried her to the bed and leaned back, letting her ride me. Her sex faces and sex sounds are pure porn, better then porn, they are real. I watch her and caress her body trying to soak up and remember every moment.</p><p>She rides me for a while but I want foreplay, I want to taste her. I sit up and flip her to her back and withdraw from her. She crawls up the bed to make room for me as I climb forward and lift her legs over my shoulder. She always smiles and coos lightly when she realized that I am going down on her, and it does not disappoint at all. I look at her pussy prior to diving in, it is perfect, wet and flush. I have photos taken from movies I made with my GoPro of her pussy that I look at often. I could look at it forever but I want more.</p><p>I lean in and roll her hips forward. With a broad flat tongue I start at the top of the crack of her ass and lick upward. Licking her asshole has always turned her on and I love that he lets me and that she tastes so wonderful. I lick all the way and she throws her head back and I feel her open up to me. "Oh my GAWD!" she moans then squeal sheer high pitched pleasure as pet my tongue across her clit.</p><p>I know what she likes, soft, slow and deliberate lapping at her clit and inner lips. No penetration, just slick repetitive metronymic and consistent. As she starts to move with me I will change slightly, rubbing harder back and forth, them move back to her preferred lapping, that is what gets her off. I edge her over and over, moving away and pushing my tongue into her hole, then back to lapping. Circling her asshole and pressuring her taint, then back to lapping.</p><p>I move my tongue faster and apply a little more pressure as she begins to move more and hold my hair. This is the sign that she wants to cum. Her calves stiffen and her toes point. I can feel goosebumps start to ripple down her legs and her voice lowers and gets louder. This is the point where you do not move or change, you ride it out. I feel her wetness increase and she pulls my face into her crotch. I keep going as she climaxes I want to just dig in harder, but I know from experience that I can prolong this if I just don't change.</p><p>She clenches and spasms in my hands. He hands leave my head and grab the blankest and sheets and she claws at them as her hips roll. It is time. I ease back slowly and lick around her pussy and asshole. I love the taste of her at all times but post orgasum is special and I lap it up and bury my nose in it so I can savor the smell. Like a wild dog, I just want to roll in her scent.</p><p>I move back and let my fingers play on her pussy, the slick and puffy outer lips and the sharp tight inner lips. I slide through them and lightly strum her sensitive clit, but just enough to stimulate lightly. My finger penetrates slightly and I use my other hand to caress her chest and breasts. She is already recovering from her first orgasum and, knowing her as I do, they rest will roll constantly for as long as I can play her body.</p><p>I penetrate deeper and feel her familure insides. I know this part of her so well, I dream about it. Every ripple, her soft cervix that the tip of my finger finds when I go fully into her. I curl my finger and find the rough spongy mass of her g-spot. I love this area and I pet it gently as she begins to build into her climax again. I play with her and watch her writhe to my ministrations. After a few minutes I can feel her pussy start to clench at my finger. I rub harder on the spongy mass inside of her.</p><p>I lean down and flick my tongue against her clit as she starts to cum and she lets go completely and cries out in her release. The wetness in my hand tells me that I have succeeded again in getting her to cum. I pull my fingers out and wipe her cum on my cock and press into her as I move up and kiss her deeply, plunging in to the hilt again.</p><p>"Wait," she says in that breathless way. I withdraw and sit up on my knees as she flips around on all fours and takes me into her mouth. It has always amazed me how much she loves giving oral. I look down at her petite frame, the flair of her hips, the perfect heart shaped ass and the small tattoo on the small of her back that I love so much.</p><p>I hold her sides and she pumps me in her mouth. In this position I can go deep and I feel the back of her throat close against my intrusion and she grinds me hard against it. We have only deep throated a few times but she seems to love the pressure against her closed throat and pulls me into her. There is a wonderful combination of submission and control that turns me on so much. I take her head in my hands and hold her still as I pump into her mouth. </p><p>Her ass jiggles in that toned wonderful way and I can't help but reach over her body and grab two handfuls of that sweet flesh. If I was better at spanking and slapping ass I would do it but I am either awkwardly to soft or aggressively to hard. Instead I reach down her crack and slip a finger between her pussy lips. She purrs into my cock as I slide my finger in her wetness. We play with each other, she sucking and me fingering, nothing rushed, no time limits and neither of us tiring.</p><p>I do want to be in her again and she recognizes it at the same time I do. She lays back on the bed and I crawl on top and enter her. She does that wonderfully erotic and slutty thing where she spits into her hand and rubs it on her pussy then my cock as she pulls me into her. I am to the hilt again and her legs wrap around me and we kiss. Sweat is making our bodies slick and we make out as I thrust into her. Sex is noisy, rough, wonderful and I fuck her missionary to another orgasum. I can feel myself starting to build up to that wonderful climax so I pull out and she turns over and offers me her favorite position, the one that hits the right spots in her, doggy style.</p><p>She smiles back at me, knowing that I withheld so that she could have her pleasure. I enter and begin thrusting hard. The smack of flesh against flesh. I take her shoulders in my hands and ride her wonderful body as she bites into the pillow that she is holding and cries out louder and louder. I am waiting for that guttural moan that will tell me that she is cumming, the feel of her cunt pulsing and the wetness that accompanies her climax. I can feel myself stating to rise toward my end.</p><p>I lean forward and hold one arm across her chest and she turns her head back and kisses me. I can sense that her orgasum is over and my body starts to flex and I push into her. My cock swells and she feels it and shutters in my arms, kissing me harder. My silence is finally broken and I cry out with her, pushing as deep as I can, feeling the head of my cock bump against her depth. Her legs fall forward and I press her into the mattress and cum hard. </p><p>Pulses of cum shoot into her, filling her and she opens up to me and accepts it, loves it as much as I do. My heart bursts and I almost feel like crying. This is what pure surrender and pleasure is. I have never experienced this with anyone else and I worry that I will never have it again, I do not what to lose her. I keep cumming as emotions and desire destroy me mentally, but physically I am in utter bliss.</p><p>We hold onto each other as we slide away from our peak. People talk about "post nut clarity" but I only feel love and desire. We kiss while catching our breath. I roll to the side but hold her with me, big spooning her as I remain insider her warm pussy. I feel our wetness, our sweat and fluids cooling in the air conditioning that blows over us. I soften slowly and slip out gently but we hold on and just breath.</p><p>Post coital talk of how amazing sex always is, remembering when we did it "that time" in "that small apartment" and such. I remember them with her and we laugh at how sexually compatible we are. We eventually part and she goes to the bathroom to wipe down. I stay put, I never want to shower her scent off of me, I try and keep it on as long as possible.</p><p>Eventually we cuddle and talk and laugh but time grows short. My cock is hard again and she strokes it slowly and smile at me. I kiss her and she pushes me to standing and lays back on the bed, her head off the side and pulls me by the cock to her mouth. I hold her breasts in my hand as I slowly and gently push into her mouth. This can do deep in this position but it can also hurt her, so I am gentile. The pressure of her hand holding my ass tells me when I am deep enough and when I can go further.</p><p>I put a hand on her pussy and feel her wetness, I gently stroke but I can tell she is committed to making me come again. We continue on for a while and it feels wonderful but I know that a second cumming needs manual stimulation for me. I pull out and start to jack off, the way I know will make me cum. She pulls me forward, her head between my legs and my balls on her mouth. Her tongue plays with my balls and sloppy kisses on my taint spur me on.</p><p>I am nearing my second climax and concentrate on the feeling of her licking me most private place. The vision of her body, the feeling on my hand on her cunt cause my balls to pull tight as I start to clime that peak. She slips back further and her tongue worms to my asshole, I relax and open my legs a little, allowing access. It embarrasses me momentarily. I love doing this but receiving is so taboo to me I have to force my self to submit.</p><p>Her tongue laps at me and I let go, every part of my body is alive and on fire and I lurch and cum across her body, coating her tits, my hand and dripping down her neck. She grinds into my ass then licks forward and slurps my cum off my balls and hand. I release my cock and she swallow it. The sensations cause me to twitch and cry out to a god that I don't believe in, unless I am with her.</p><p>I want to pull away but I stay still and let her suck me and clean my cock off. It almost hurts but I stay put, this may never happen again and I want it as long as possible. I soften in her hand and she sits up and takes me in her arms and we kiss again. I can taste us both and it is pure magic. I lay again with her and gently rub my cum into her breasts as it dries. I cannot speak or think and emotions start to confuse me.</p><p>I want her. I don't want to leave. I know I have to leave.</p><p>Eventually I get up and wash my hands while we chat. I get dressed, I do not shower, I want her on my as long as I can. My face smells like pussy and cum and the pheromones are tickling my brain and I feel high. We talk, I get a drink of water. She walks me to the door. We make promises that neither of us will keep. I walk away, looking back as she smiles and waves. I do not want to leave and feel a weird mix of satisfaction and desire and a creeping feeling that this is the last time I will see her.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was right...</p><p>I am glad I wrote this down. It plays in my mind as I hold my pillow between my legs and fall asleep with my cock hard and leaking. Wishing that pillow was her.</p><p>I am just a fucked as I was 10 years ago.</p><p>Honestly, the only thing that has tempered my desire for her is a burgeoning difference in political opinions that we never talked about before. I am very liberal and progressive in my political views. She is sliding off to the right...much to my chagrin.</p><p>Anyway...I thanks for letting me share.</p><p>Kenny/Alexander/Peter</p>Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-75749147307634485462020-07-04T21:43:00.002-07:002020-12-29T20:46:37.435-08:00The great by and byAlmost two years since I last posted. The last week I have been reading both my blogs. The original blog from 2010 where I started seeing prostitutes and carving out a private sexual fantasy for myself, and the new old blog that I created after some asshat person threatened to put me...<br />
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Candy posted again...<br />
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I am glad that she is still around...<br />
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I will be a grandpa in 5 months, a baby boy. They youngest daughter...still at home...<br />
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They are young and stupid, just like I was...who knows what will happen, but I have a little human to take care of again. It will be a bit different this time, a step away...maybe, who knows. I am ready for it, I was born to be a grandpa.<br />
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Hera and I are...good...comfortable...still fighting every now and then...not fucking a lot... a bit out of shape and feeling our age. I have tried really hard. Two years of counseling, a lot of self reflection, time away from the Spinner and the Red Head. A lot of focus on my business and myself. A whole lot of lessons learned in business and my personal life...who to trust...and nearly 200K lost...<br />
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I am in a better place today then I have ever been, COVID and all.<br />
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Debt is being paid off.<br />
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Retirement is more than funded.<br />
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Bank account is flush.<br />
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Business is humming along better than ever.<br />
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Soon I will be taking care of the big debt that has been hanging over my head since 2008...<br />
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The Red Head has moved on and so have I. She is still out there doing her thing, she reconnected with her kid. Good for her. Beyond that I just don’t know. She texted me a sexy picture a few months ago...I can’t remember if I answered or not...most likely not.<br />
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The Spinner...well...I have not seen her in over a year. We text occasionally. She has a new “Other Guy”. The first Other Guy moved north for a great job. He wanted her to come with him, have a new life. I told her to go...she decided to stay...not for me...but out of fear or something. He paid for her life for a long time...I was frankly shocked. The guy is almost saintly for his support...when he stopped she was shocked but I 100% understood.<br />
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The Next Guy is very similar to the Other Guy. Left a wife and kids and trail of damage in his wake. I lost a lot of respect for the Spinner when she freaked out about him wanting to take care of his kids...seriously narcissistic statements.<br />
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I still miss her and want her, kind of...I have not even attempted to set anything up. She is as flaky as the day I met her. Still...I want her...<br />
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I saw a provider a few months ago. I thought it was the small wonderful agency girl that I loved so much...pictures where similar...same agency just reborn under a new name. I held my breath as I walked into the apartment complex to the unlocked door. Stepping in my heart was beating in my chest and I felt light headed. It had been a while and I was nervous and hopeful...<br />
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She walked into the room and smiled...it was not her...bleached blond fried hair...lots of random tattoos that I call graffiti trash tattoos. Skinny but a little too skinny... Good looking but not great...<br />
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Sex was good...not the sports fuck I wanted...but not everyone can fuck like a goddess...<br />
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Her pussy was not my favorite...not by a long shot. Maybe I just was expecting something different. I had to jack off to cum as I lost my hard on halfway through. I was too much in my head and felt overwhelmed by it all...it had been a long time since I had been touched sexually and frankly I felt fragile...<br />
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I left and drove home...<br />
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Depression, my old friend, tried to pull me under and I resisted...this is just life...nothing permanent...<br />
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The spinner hints at meeting up...I doubt it...but if she asks I will be there..<br />
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Counseling was good...but I did not go to be cured, I did not go for answers or for clarity. I just wanted someone to listen and tell me I was fucking crazy, stupid or understandable...I got nothing. Their job is not to judge. In the end it was a good two year detachment from the dangers of the Spinner...<br />
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What does the future hold? Fuck if I know. I am overweight, undersexed and moderately happy...am I allowed to ask for more?<br />
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We are doing a COVID workout and I have rekindled rock climbing with my boys...they did not believe that I had the knowledge and skills until I drove them to the mountains and taught them how to do it. I have had a long and exciting life and I know a lot of shit...old man shit...knots and belying systems..<br />
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They had fun and it is our new hobby. <br />
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I’m still coach. High school now. State championship. Takes a lot of time...time that I can’t spend on my other life. I hope we have a season this year...<br />
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So. Kenny or Peter is still out and about, more reserved and safer, but still there. Soon to be grandpa...<br />
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What a long strange trip...Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-32480217529167339112018-07-13T13:28:00.001-07:002018-07-13T13:28:24.954-07:00Summer time anxietyThis summer has been a mixed bag so far. On the business front things are going better than ever. My personal finances are on the upswing and I am starting to save for retirement, something that has been put off far too long. I am even getting my children to start planning for theirs, although there is some push back on that front. It seems that the new generation does not trust the financial system in the USA. I don't blame them, however, just because one part is broken does not mean that investing in general is broken.<br />
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On the down side I am feeling lonely again and the future seems without hope. How fucking melodramatic of me. Even writing that pisses me off. I am tired and right now I don't want to fight any of my battles, I just want to give up. I keep waiting for something to go horribly wrong, which leads to bouts of anxiety. It is a downward spiral that I want to stop.<br />
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I have not been screwing around at all. Everyone is gone or has found someone else. Even if I did want to step out, I would have no idea how to. All the laws have made things much harder and much more dangerous. I don't want to be a victim of this nations stupid laws, so I stay away from all if it.<br />
<br />
My imagination is my only escape, the stories that I make up keep the sexual side of me going, otherwise I feel like it would just shut off entirely. I feel like putting some of these down on paper. Writing has always been a good sexual escape for me, and one without any repercussions. The process of putting pen to paper and making a fantasy into a "real" thing gets aroused.<br />
<br />
Maybe I will share some of what I have been imagining...Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-9545095642441538142018-07-06T07:55:00.001-07:002018-07-06T07:55:29.032-07:00I used to...We did a trip as a whole family. It was great, fun in the sun and a lot of time to just chill. There were a few moments when my wife nearly went ballistic on me. I felt it brewing and I back away. It was a bit sad.<br />
<br />
"You used to like my hair wild." she said.<br />
<br />
Her hair was very wind blown and frizzy. It looked like a helmet. I asked if she wanted to put her hair up before we left for dinner.<br />
<br />
When she answered me there was profound sadness in her voice and a hint of anger.<br />
<br />
I used to like a lot of things...<br />
<br />
The last time we had sex was exactly one year ago on this same vacation. I know that she also knows this, although neither of us have mentioned it. I cannot imagine having sex with her anymore. I have one Viagra left and I am not sure that even that will do it.<br />
<br />
At one point I was very high and I started to touch her, sexually. She looked down at me and said, "You must be very high...you're touching me..."<br />
<br />
Again sadness blanketed over both of us and the moment passed.<br />
<br />
We are both overweight.<br />
We are both in a constant depression.<br />
We are both trapped.<br />
We both have a deep love for each other.<br />
We both want this to end.<br />
Neither of us want to get divorced and split up our family.<br />
<br />
I still have no idea what to do, except keep getting up in the morning and trying to be a better person.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-35999932630742440262018-05-05T08:24:00.001-07:002018-05-05T08:24:19.515-07:00New laws lead to new habitsSo, this whole SESTA-FOSTA thing has really changed the whole world of pay for play. I have basically quit...well I quit a while ago but now I could not even start again if I wanted to.<br />
<br />
That's not 100% true...I could...it would just take a lot of effort, and I am nothing if not lazy.<br />
<br />
All the advertising and message boards are dead, blocked by anyone in the USA. There is still Twitter and some other places where you can see the "Women of the Night", but all the review sites are down. It's frustrating, I used to occasionally read the forums and reviews. It was nice to be connected to that community in some small way. It was interesting to see who was available, even if I was not buying at the time.<br />
<br />
I even have bouts of paranoia and wonder if they are tracking and following me...lol. That is why I took my blog down for a week...I was scared. Completely unfounded...maybe. They have been blocking some women from entering the USA based on facial recognition from websites that promote prostitution. Others have had their bank accounts frozen. It is really weird how far reaching this legislation is.<br />
<br />
It makes a lil' ol' John a bit skittish.<br />
<br />
I would LOVE to speak out against it...but how can I? I have a family that should not know about my extra activities. I have a profession that would make it hard to make money if anything went public. I have too much to lose to speak out, I wish it was not true.<br />
<br />
Not that my voice would matter much, but I am sure that there are many who feel the same as I and if we could all speak out...well...I don't know what would happen.<br />
<br />
I feel like there are a lot of people who still view prostitution as evil. I don't think that will change any time soon. If you are a wife then I bet you are against it. If you are religious at all, then, most likely against it, and there is a SHIT LOAD of religion in the USA.<br />
<br />
I think this will be an uphill fight for a long time because our country is rather clear that they are more interested in punishment and oppression then harm reduction and freedom.<br />
<br />
I retired/quit a while ago but I still have a mental toe in the water and if I am honest with myself...I will jump back in if the opportunity presents itself, I just like sex...like a real mammal.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-51042277291863513492018-03-30T05:57:00.001-07:002018-03-30T05:57:41.303-07:00A bunch of sex questions from TumblrI came across this massive list of sex questions on Tumblr and decided to answer a few...to lighten the mood.<br />
<br />
ABOUT YOU:<br />
<br />
1. What is the size of you penis/breasts?<br />
<br />
Are we talking flacid or erect? I am a grower not a shower so I am going to go with erect. It all depends on how you measure, tip to taint I am quite long. Traditional, from pubis to tip I am just short of porn star length. On a good day it can be 7" but I need to be lean. In my normal state I would say just over 6.5". A little above normal, seems to be my place in live.<br />
<br />
Breasts, well...they are larger than I want them to be right now.<br />
<br />
2. Does your penis have a curve?<br />
<br />
No. I am rather straight. Pleasantly straight. I have been told I have an attractive penis and more than once been told that it is the perfect size, shape and mushroomness for maximum pleasure. They could have been just saying that but I choose to believe.<br />
<br />
3. Have you ever had an STD?<br />
<br />
I think so. When I was going crazy and fucking anything that walked I believe I gave one to my significant other. Nothing crazy...cured with antibiotics..but I think it was from me...I still feel rather guilty about that.<br />
<br />
4. Have you ever been pregnant/gotten someone pregnant?<br />
<br />
Yes...a few times. For a time I half believed that there was one other kid floating around out there that might be mine. Then I saw the pictures of him and...NOPE...no way that kid is mine. Also, the timing did not work out when I did the math.<br />
<br />
5. What type of underwear are you wearing?<br />
<br />
Boxer briefs...the best of both worlds.<br />
<br />
6. When was your last erection/arousal?<br />
<br />
When I woke up this morning I was hard as a rock. Morning wood...no other reason. When was I last aroused for a reason? Last night, looking at porn and rubbing one out. When was the last time I was aroused with another person? shit...that has been a while. When I was on a trip recently I woke up hard and my SO went down on me. I appreciate that she tries but she is a really lack luster BJ giver. That is also the only sex we have had this year.<br />
<br />
7. Have you ever had an erection which someone noticed?<br />
<br />
I have no idea...I assume you mean while clothed...Nobody has told me. I am frequently hard at work because I will read sex stories in my office as I am waiting for my next client. GOD BLESS BOXER BRIEFS!<br />
<br />
8. Has anyone seen your private parts other then yourself?<br />
<br />
What the fuck is this...middle school? Shit loads of people. I have no problem getting nude and had even less of an issue with it when I was younger. <br />
<br />
9. Explain your ultimate fantasy.<br />
<br />
I win the lottery, get a divorce and take the spinner on a sex and drug induced world tour where we seduce other couples into group sex. Then we fuck on a beach somewhere...for days....<br />
<br />
I am done...one mention of her and I already feel exhausted. I miss her and she is gone.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-53340291930865883082018-03-13T07:37:00.000-07:002018-03-13T07:37:11.388-07:00Low T and deathSomeone close to me gave up the ghost last week. I have to travel to plant them and support my family. It’s difficult because I am not a big believer is ceremonies to put bags of meat in the ground. I was not planning on attending but someone close called me on my bullshit and told me that the living need me there. Funerals are for those left behind.<br />
<br />
So, I get to dress up fancy and stand around eating jello and snacks while the priesthood does their sacred dance around the body of my friend. I know the my family will use this as a reason why we should all connect and get closer together. But here is the thing, except for my brother, I could do without them. They are hyper religious nutbag, mean, judge mental assholes. So, I will practice my stoic face and just drift through their bullshit and say goodbye to the empty shell of my former friend. Hold the hand of the grieving and bugger out when their heads are turned.<br />
<br />
I am also afraid of my sisters and their incessant need to take stuff. None of his shit, and he has a BUNCH of priceless shit, is theirs or mine. I don’t think that will stop them from laying claim because I have seen them do it before. If they start to peck around I just may lose my shit.<br />
<br />
His death hit me way harder then I thought it would. It’s not been easy.<br />
<br />
On a happier front, the big thing in my circle of friends now is Low T. Everybody has it or thinks they do. One guy did something about it and his energy level is amazing. Now I want it so I can get me some. I am going to line up some blood work to see if my old man balls are working right. Low T can contribute to depression, which I am really good at. I hate that I have a knack for making any sligh disturbance in my life plunge me into the bitter depths of dispare. Maybe a shot in the but of man juice will help (ok, I see how that sounds). <br />
<br />
Stay tuned.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-8420801334515557192018-02-23T05:38:00.002-08:002018-02-23T05:38:55.921-08:00Something needs to changeSo, it is now almost March and I have not had sex this year.<br />
<br />
It is the longest I have been without sex in about 10 years from what I can remember. I can't blame anyone other than myself. At home I have not even tried. There is still a lack of attraction to my spouse. Part of that is the weight she has put on and cannot get rid of due to her sedentary lifestyle and prolific wine habit she has developed. We can't blame injury any more, she is all healed.<br />
<br />
The other part is her personality changes or my reaction to her personality. She just annoys me and does not turn me on anymore...ever. Unless I take extacy or LSD or smoke a LOT of good pot...I really don't get excited by her. It's frustrating, but I don't want to "try" and not be able to get an erection. Or start having sex and lose my erection halfway through. That is what has happened in the past and it fucks with her head and causes a huge fight for weeks.<br />
<br />
Additionally, she never even tries to initiate sex. This is not a new thing, she never has. It is one of the main complaints that I have had for many, many years. It has not changed in over two decades, why would it change now. While she says she wants sex (well, she used to say that) she never starts it and usually declines when offered. However she will say, "Yes, we NEED to have sex. Lets schedule that". Fuck you...I will beat off instead.<br />
<br />
The girl I was seeing on the side for the past...holy shit...10 years now...the spinner, has been non existent in my life this year. She is busy with...whatever she does all day. And I have been busy with my life and not too excited to get caught in her web again. It becomes endless hours of being strung along and sitting in cars waiting for a response. Broken dates, broken promises...then a lot of complaining about everything under the sun. When we do finally get to spend some NON crazy time together and talk or hook up it is quite amazing. The emotional toll it takes to get there is exhausting.<br />
<br />
I have thought about looking for another hook-up, someone else to have sex with but I can't seem to pull the trigger. Part of that is financial. I really don't want to spend money, I have too many other things I am trying to get rolling in my life and it is working. I don't want to blow money on sex when I can apply it to debt and investments. Also, there is just not anyone who really catches my eye right now. Other than a little porn star who I realized lives in the same city as me and is looking for a sugar daddy, but I am not a big enough sugar daddy for her...I KNOW that it would not work out...she needs someone with SERIOUS money, and I believe she will find them at some point.<br />
<br />
So, it is just me and my palm and pornhub for now. I am trying to focus on other things.<br />
<br />
I do have some out of town trips planned soon...to some cities with some rather good looking girls also. So...maybe the drought will end?Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-78678017997006947592017-12-31T15:30:00.000-08:002017-12-31T15:30:05.813-08:00Next year it will all be different...That is the hope of each new years, that the next year will be different, better...<br />
<br />
I have made a lot of changes this year, fell into an old trap but clawed my way back out of it again.<br />
<br />
I am enjoying planning for next year. Personal, work, budget...everything. I really want to make next year different and build on the changes I made this year.<br />
<br />
Much of that change is with my personal life and those who I spend my time with. I was happy being a family man and a good neighbor. I lost a lot of that these past few years. I also my have done some serious damage to my psyche and my relationships by allowing myself to be pulled into a long slow depression.<br />
<br />
No more.<br />
<br />
I am healthier and I plan on continuing that.<br />
<br />
I am wealthier and I plan on building on that.<br />
<br />
I see happiness and plan on taking hold of it.<br />
<br />
The choice is mine...I understand that. I need to make the choice and just BE happy.<br />
<br />
Good luck to everyone...<br />
<br />
Cheers.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-9880573781601203992017-12-08T05:56:00.003-08:002017-12-08T05:58:57.502-08:00TMI Tuesday...Thought I would do one today.<b><a href="https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2017/12/04/">TMI Tuesday Blog</a></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?</b><br />
<br />
The desire to fuck me...seriously, if you are DTF and confident in your ability to make my dick hard, that is a turn on. I love calm. Another word is alluring. Someone who exudes sex with their whole being. Confidence and a comfort with her sexuality and body. Playfulness.<br />
<br />
The shallow answer: I like a skinny woman with small tits and great shoulders.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>2. What do you find least sexy in a man?</b><br />
<br />
Most everything as I am a man and not really attracted to other men. The least sexy thing a man can do in my eyes is be a braggart. I do not like the chest puffed, overly confident, douchey, fucktard act. Also meanness. If you are an asshole and treat others poorly, I don't care how piercingly blue your eyes are and how cut your jaw is...your an asshole. Also poor hygiene.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?</b><br />
<br />
Kind of. The person I was fucking on the side was in a relationship. I was suppose to be out of the picture but we would still meet up to fuck. I had to hide my car and sneak around. It was kind of fun, it felt good that she still wanted to fuck me and that is was a secret. This has always been my secret fantasy. That the next door neighbor or a couple that we know well and associate with is also my secret fuck buddy.<br />
<br />
On a Thursday when her husband goes to work or on a business trip I jump the fence and we fuck on the kitchen counter. We sneak away at a party and she blows me, my cum fills her tummy the rest of the night and I can smell her pussy on my beard.<br />
<br />
Better yet, swingers. Another couple who we fuck around with and nobody knows.<br />
<br />
I almost had that once...I doubt it will ever happen again...<br />
<br />
<b>4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?</b><br />
<br />
Neither of us right now. In the past it has all been me. I have would try and make a romantic gesture or set a mood and when my SO would realize that I was "putting the moves on her" she would either act super surprised and clueless about it or roll her eyes and say something sexy like, "oh ya, we really need to have sex". I was shut down in so many ways over the years that I just got tired of it happening and quit trying.<br />
<br />
On her part, I can never remember her initiating sex in any real way. I can never remember her trying to set a mood or get me to fuck her. She says, "I always want it", and "I don't mind giving blowjobs", but then says, "I am just not good at it"......<br />
<br />
Fuck...I don't want to go down this road right now.<br />
<br />
Neither of us...lets just leave it at that right now.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Do you have a “work wife” or “office husband”?</b><br />
<br />
NO, you don't shit where you eat. Also, I am the boss and I am alone, so I can't be that close to anyone who I may have to fire.<br />
<br />
<b>Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?</b><br />
<br />
LMFAO....no<br />
<br />
<b>Bonus, bonus: Is the “work spouse” strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? One study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse.</b><br />
<br />
I don't know. Other countries seem to be a bit more relaxed in the way they approach flirting and sex. We are so repressed in the USA and fearful of sexual harassment, especially now. I think it exists anywhere and everywhere but I do not have any insight into other countries...my world is rather small.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-5699593177540983122017-12-08T05:27:00.001-08:002017-12-08T05:27:06.348-08:00One big mating danceI got court side seats last night. Right behind the bench. Food and everything included. It felt nice.<br />
<br />
I also am sore as hell from my workouts, so I ate a little bit of a pot gummy, just to take the edge off the soreness. It kicked in halfway through the game and I had a really nice light high going on. I was REALLY watching the game closely and quietly. Its funny how different sports are, yet they are all the same. The big show that happens around a bunch of guys playing ball. I was tripping on it.<br />
<br />
At commercial breaks the dancers came out and I saw them as birds doing a mating dance. I wondered if, in the animal kingdom, all the mating dances serve to not only attract a mate, but to turn on the whole population. The songs of sex and the movements of sex that all the other birds see releases chemicals in their brains that makes dicks hard and pussies wet.<br />
<br />
Are we the same? I liked watching the athletic, firm, scantly clad young bodies bounce around. It made my dick hard. Do women in the crowd feel the sexual energy also? I know the other men do!<br />
<br />
The clothes we wear and the makeup and hair of women. It's all a mating dance...<br />
<br />
We are beasts in our fields, rutting...Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-29916317225001133112017-11-11T05:46:00.000-08:002017-11-11T05:46:00.863-08:00My old blogI go back and read my old blog every now and then and cringe a little. I really went off the deep end. It brings back memories of that time and how little sleep I was getting. Sleep is a really big deal with me, I must have it but I also dread going to sleep. The old Night Owl/Early Bird combo that makes someone act bipolar as hell.<br />
<br />
When you combine the drugs and prostitution you get a real fucked up situation.<br />
<br />
I am not sure why I feel the need to look back at it, but I do. I used to get a sexual high from reading it. Then it turned into a reality check, looking back at all my shit. Now it is just a little depressing.<br />
<br />
I have been looking online at providers in my area again, not that I want to spend the money right now, even though I actually have it to spend. I have other things I want/need to do with it. However, a part of me still wants that special feeling you get from a hook-up. That dirty little secret.<br />
<br />
I also want mountains, beaches and time away without any pressures. So, I save instead.<br />
<br />
I want to feel more of a connection to life and to my family.<br />
<br />
I want to feel less tired all the damn time.<br />
<br />
One of the things that has helped me the most is daily meditation and frankly, I have not been doing that at all. I just need to set aside the 20 min a day it takes to do it. I can take a shit and play games on my phone for a half an hour, but finding a quite space for 20 min seems impossible...<br />
<br />
No excuses...<br />
<br />
I also want calm, sexual, thoughtful, playful and connected sex...coupled with food and wine...and a good smoke after...I am tired of crazy.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-5413915211665599182017-10-26T16:12:00.002-07:002017-10-26T16:12:59.667-07:00It's been a whileSo here I am. Still kicking around the net, just not as much any more. I think the bug to share my experiences went away with the decision to not be as involved with the Spinner any more. Do I miss it, sometimes...but apparently not enough to come back too often.<br />
<br />
The only exciting sexual thing that has happened is that I booked a call girl when I was in Las Vegas. It has been a long time since I had been with anyone. I was sick of jacking off and was really missing the Spinner and feeling like I might be tempted to get back involved. I figured it would be a great way to have some naughty fun and scratch the itch.<br />
<br />
She was very cute, however, not all that in the sack. It was more me than her. I was nervous, I did not know her, it has been a long day and was very late. There was also a little false advertising on her part. Namely her tits...not what I expected, not bad per say, just not what I had envisioned. We still had a nice time. She spent a long time telling me about her family and her life, which was a "white trash novel". Full of meth, multiple dads, jail and running away to be a stripper/hooker in sin city.<br />
<br />
After listening to it all I just felt bad...but still horny...so we still fucked, but that shit was in the back of my mind the whole time.<br />
<br />
In the end it just did not match up to sex with the Spinner. I tell you, that girl can fuck...no lie.<br />
<br />
I am still in therapy but have taken a break, mainly due to the therapist going on vacation and my busy schedule. I am not sure if I should tell the therapist about Las Vegas, but then I wonder why I want to pay someone to lie to them. I also wonder why I started going in the first place. Was it business/financial stress, home/relation stress, woman on the side/Spinner stress or a great big combination of it all.<br />
<br />
Has it helped? Sure..I guess.<br />
<br />
I have someone to talk to, to call me on my shit. The advice that has been given I have not really followed up on. Mainly, how can I mend my relationship at home. How can I get attracted to my spouse again. The work that it is going to take to do that seems laborious and damn near hopeless. Additionally, I am not sure that is what I want, but I am sure it is what I should do.<br />
<br />
Then the part of my brain that says, "We only get one trip on this wagon ride, make it count," chimes in and all I want is to run to the spinner and profess my love. God knows what that would do to everyone's life. Also, there is a great chance that I would end up just like all the other poor guys that have been there before me and had their carcasses and bank accounts sucked dry, left in her wake.<br />
<br />
I know she does not mean to do it, she is just surviving, but I don't want to end up another victim.<br />
<br />
I don't have much else to say. Hell, I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore...Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-27681839756795389422017-07-30T00:03:00.000-07:002017-07-30T00:03:02.401-07:00Still aroundi still exist.<br />
<br />
Therapy had been a mixed bag...<br />
<br />
While I have seen the spinner, it is not like it was. I am basically out of her life, we have moved on.<br />
<br />
I work constantly, I am doing better in my business but I am a still a long way from the stability I crave. I am working 6 days a week, down from 7...lol.<br />
<br />
The wife and I are still figuring it out. With everyone's life colapsing, we are the rocks, the anchor. It is crazy to think that our marriage is stable in comparison.<br />
<br />
I miss kink...<br />
<br />
I miss rough sex...<br />
<br />
I miss being touched and kissed...<br />
<br />
Not sure how long I can last like this....Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-57610966647570479222017-03-30T19:40:00.001-07:002017-03-30T19:40:35.170-07:00Sex and sexlessnessSo it have been a month almost since I said goodbye. There was one last fling, so...ya...<br />
<br />
I feel good about everything, it all ended better than I thought it would, which is good when you have strong feelings for someone. I have been slowly disconnecting. In the past I have kept the path clear and remained in close contact, it was bad for my mental health.<br />
<br />
Do I miss her...you fucking bet I do. <br />
<br />
I miss the idea of a secret affair, the reality had some really shitty side effects. It might be different if both parties had something to lose and it was just about the sex. Mix in money and some serious personal issues on both sides and it is not a good way to live.<br />
<br />
The big issue that I am struggling with is the sexlessness that I am now in. Other than porn and my hand I am not getting any for the foreseeable future. I don't know how to fix things with the spouse. She has mentioned that she would go to couples counseling, which is a big improvement. I think she should have some personal counseling first then we can do couples but she seems to think that she does not need it.<br />
<br />
As I go thorough therapy I have realized that the shit that happened was a result of a shit load of dysfunction that goes WAAAAY back. This does not excuse my philandering but it does put things into perspective a bit. I was ready to commit suicide, hell...I tried...that is another thing that the Spinner did for me..she saved me...so I felt like I had to save her. Two people drowning cannot save each other. And nobody can save you from yourself.<br />
<br />
So, this brings me back to sex.<br />
<br />
I do not have the spark or the attraction to the spouse. We have also not had sex it quite a while. I don't know how and I don't really want to get it going again at this point. I don't want to have to imagine someone else in my mind or will my way through it, and I don't want the stress of having to try and stay hard...because that is what happens. I don't want to suffer through a lack luster, begrudged blow job. I don't want to compare the sex I am having to the sex I COULD be having.<br />
<br />
There is the urge to find a pro and get the wonderful anonymous factor back. No names, no strings, just a business for pleasure exchange. I get mine, they get theirs and we go our separate ways.<br />
<br />
But then what...<br />
<br />
I don't know what the answer will be, for now...I am just going to keep on, keeping on...<br />
<br />
and jack off...a lot...Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-16920141956987553132017-03-04T10:22:00.000-08:002017-03-04T10:22:29.081-08:00So long, and thanks for all the sexi just can't anymore, it had to end.<br />
<br />
The financial help I was offering is not that much of a burden so that is not the issue at all. It was the way I was being treated and how I felt. It has taken me a while to see it, even now my body is rebelling against my mind. It IS an addiction.<br />
<br />
At my therapists office my addiction to her...to sex...to my illicit privae life...my addiction to it all came up. It was not easy to bring it up and to call it what it is...addiction. Like any addict I was letting it control my life, my happiness, my sanity.<br />
<br />
I am also a helper...white knight...captain save a 'ho. You see someone is crisis and think, "hey...if they only knew this thing..". You want to share it, good intentions...but it always goes to shit. This played out over and over. I can save no one...<br />
<br />
I thought I would be sad today, but that is not how I feel at all...more relieved and free. The fact that I do not feel sadness about ending it actually makes me a little sad.<br />
<br />
I have a feeling that she will come calling again soon...She always does...<br />
<br />
I need to find a place of peace where she cannot effect me with her stories and sadness.Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-91120454234376964492017-02-24T06:45:00.000-08:002017-02-24T06:45:14.214-08:00Short and simpleI am working constantly right now, seven days a week...for real.<br />
<br />
Money is getting better and there is light at the end of the tunnel.<br />
<br />
Relationship is still a work in progress, I am working through my shit though.<br />
<br />
Sex is stalled. Still in it with one person but I may need to leave...I don't want the negative emotions and victim mindset in my life anymore. I don't seem to be helping at all...no matter what I do I get beat up verbally and emotionally.<br />
<br />
Sex is just such a big part of my life, and 99% of it is hidden and shameful. I don't want to live my life this way...I would rather be open about things..but how does that work?<br />
<br />
If I figure it out I will let everyone know...lol...<br />
<br />
Do you ever put your hand in your pocket and feel your cock a little...or gently rub your pussy in public...does it feel good? Not like amazing but just a little good...<br />
<br />
me too.<br />
<br />
Have a great day...Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-52300481415981669612017-01-25T05:31:00.001-08:002017-01-25T05:31:23.544-08:00Should I be a pornstar?The question came up recently, believe it or not. It would be a way to help someone get some extra money on Clips4Sale. It would not be my face, just my lower body and cock...really the best part of me..lol. Very amateur stuff, but that is what sells, reality porn.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am rather excited at the offer, although I need to research it a bit. I worry that on some legal level I would have to provide my name and I do not want that to happen at all. I have no idea how anyone would find out but I am sure it is possible.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am sure that it will not actually happen. It was more of a passing comment with laughter, but I felt that there was a small hint of "feeling me out" for it. I can't be sure that it was not just me grabbing onto the idea and reading too much into the situation. Who knows.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I would need to up the workout a bit. I have been a losing weight lately but not really working out...more of a diet change and stress levels skyrocketing. With all the work I have been doing there is not a lot of time to sit and eat...not a lot of time to do anything.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have been too busy to even find time to beat off. I am either too tired or too busy. It is a good thing, I was getting a little to used to my hand. When you "stress masturbate" it tends to be more about the release than the experience. This leads to the death grip and too much friction. If you have a callous on your hand...bad shit can happen to the shaft...lol...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I remember when I was really stressed a few years ago, I beat off so much I caused a lymph blockage in my penis and got a painful lump. I thought I broke my dick. It took three weeks to get right again...scary shit.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
With the reduction in self pleasure I am hoping my actual vaginal sex experiences are even better. When your cock is sensitive and has not been played with the feel of a vagina closing in on the shaft is better than any feeling in the world.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Great...now I am horny...lol... </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I do not have time to jack off right now either...lol...</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Well...on with my day...</div>
Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-77415414311494869492017-01-06T06:50:00.004-08:002017-01-06T06:50:53.373-08:00Happy New YearThings are progressing slightly, it has not been that long but I am hopeful. Working with a psychologist has been nice. I still feel like I am venting but I am getting a lot of shit out on the table. I made the decision to be 100% honest with the psychologist, scary, but I figured it would not make sense to pay someone so I could lie to them.<br />
<br />
I am working 7 days a week, it is actually nice. I don't get a lot of time to wallow, which I seem to be rather good at unfortunately. The place I am working is, in short, a shit hole. However, it is open just about 24/7 so I can pick my hours and make it work. I am getting a lot of practice at my craft, which will also help me in my business. I enjoy working hard and for a purpose.<br />
<br />
Home life is still an unknown. I don't know what she is thinking or doing. I tried to lay down some ultimatums and shit I needed to see change. If there is ever going to be attraction in my marriage again, then I need to see her get out of her comfort zone and into the world.<br />
<br />
Sex is still something that I don't even know where to go with. I am not attracted to her, and it is not her body, it is HER. When we first had issues she was thin and athletic and hot...but she was shit in the sack. The issue is not body or age, it is desire and intent.<br />
<br />
My long term "girlfriend" is still a bit of a confusion for me. I know she loves someone else more than she loves me, that is fine, he is a good guy. I enjoy helping her out as I have been and being her friend. I don't want to imagine giving her up.<br />
<br />
We talked the other day about monogamy and swinging and trust and honesty. It is amazing how similar our views are. Days like that and conversations like we had are wonderful and also confusing. I am suppose to be working out my issues and either choosing to stay married or separate. I don't want my decision to be based on how I feel about her, I want it to be what is best for me.<br />
<br />
My sex goal this year is to just enjoy it and quit letting it control me and my emotions. I have a lot of guilt and shame surrounding sex and pleasure, it stems from my religious upbringing. I thing the pendulum swung a little far from my true center for a while. Masturbating 3-4 times a day is not where I want to be, it controls me a little too much. Putting an emphasis on sex rather then relationships, friendship and connection does not give me what I really want.<br />
<br />
However, I love the connection that good sex brings.<br />
<br />
I am not sure how much I will be posting, I have cut a lot out of my life so I can pursue my goals and get my mind right.<br />
<br />
<br />Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-75591036092490810402016-12-23T21:17:00.000-08:002016-12-23T21:17:21.310-08:00Still confused after all these yearsI had a little conversation with the wife the other night. We need to figure out things with our marriage at some point, that may mean we split up, it may mean we stay together...I just don't know. I want to know where she stands on things.<br />
<br />
She told me that she is depressed. When I asked what about she would not say, she said that I don't love her anymore or even like her. So she sits all day and drinks wine and does not work out and just passes the time and tries not to think about things.<br />
<br />
I totally understand how she feels and why she feels that way. I have asked for couples counseling and she rejects it outright and tells me if I need counseling then I should go and get it.<br />
<br />
Part of me feels guilty, part of me feels justified, and part of me feels sad.<br />
<br />
Another part of me is upset. She has a way of blaming everything on me, without actually blaming me. She makes it all my fault, then crucifies herself for being such a shitty person. I go from defending myself to defending her...from herself.<br />
<br />
I know that I am culpable here. I know what I have done wrong. I can own my actions, but not own up to them...<br />
<br />
What has she accepted responsibility for?<br />
<br />
"It takes two to tango," is the saying, so what was my dance partner doing or not doing.<br />
<br />
"I'm just not what you want..." is what she will say. Sexually, mentally, emotionally<br />
<br />
Is she right? What do I want?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I am seeing a psychologist now. Trying to work shit out. It's still early in the process, just me venting so far. I don't have a lot of faith in psychologists, I don't have a lot of faith in anything anymore.<br />
<br />
I am just kind of done with everyone right now.<br />
<br />
I am always the asshole no matter what I do.<br />
<br />
I am expected to be everything for everyone.<br />
<br />
I can't be. <br />
<br />
I am now working 7 days a week in order to get out of debt and keep my business.<br />
<br />
The good part is, I don't even have time for anyone.<br />
<br />
Peter out....Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-51861466768918775522016-11-30T08:06:00.001-08:002016-11-30T08:06:18.585-08:00An interesting twistLife has been eventful these past few weeks. Most of it stressful but most of it good.<br />
<br />
To start, I am going bankrupt. Chapter 7.<br />
<br />
There it is...<br />
<br />
The loans I had to take out were prior to the crash and were too big. This area was hit too hard and has never fully recovered. I have been behind on payments forever with no hope of catching up. The bank who owns the loan will not negotiate at all. In addition, I don't want to have to pay back that much money, I will never be out from under the debt.<br />
<br />
So, we will protect my business by selling it. That's right, I will no longer be the boss! Hopefully the new owner will keep me on. They usually do in my business. I can then turn over the daily operations to the group which will free me up quite a bit. I will also be getting paid more day one, which is a huge plus.<br />
<br />
After we get the assets sold I will BK7. Get rid of all that debt and be, relatively, free.<br />
<br />
I am actually excited to get it done. I have been struggling for the past 10 years and I could never find a way out of this mess. No matter how well I did it was never enough to pay for everything. At first I did everything in my power to pay all the bills in full. I lost my house because of it. I denied my family any extra money. We did not go on vacations or anything.<br />
<br />
I could not keep up, even with working 6 days a week. The extra money was never enough to cover my costs and the debt payments. I asked for help from my wife and she turned her back on me. That was what really started all my extra activities. I lost my mind and decided that I would carve out a small part of my life for me. My old blog covered that journey, for better or worse.<br />
<br />
The crazy has receded and I now find myself back into the high stress. I am a little better at dealing with it, however, I still go from caring to not caring, which is not a good thing. I am also lost in my relationship(s), wondering what direction I should go and not wanting to hurt or lose anyone.<br />
<br />
The piper will come calling, eventually. The loan will be due in a year or two and it is bigger now then they day I signed the paperwork. I also just want out. It is a good thing and I am happy about it, even though I am a little worried that things will not go as planned, but when do they ever. I am going to trust in the direction I have plotted and make the best. It is better than sitting in shit and praying for change.<br />
<br />
To top everything off I came into work today and found that my assistant quit. I have mixed emotions, as I was going to have to fire them anyway. Ball dropping has become a regular practice and neither of us have been happy with each other. I prefer things to end on good terms, but if things are good then people don't quit. Additionally, by quitting she cannot claim insurance, which keeps my rates lower and saves me money.<br />
<br />
I have to go to Las Vegas next week, I was going to bring a friend but they had to back out...so....I plan on having an adventure! Hopefully I get to tell a great story when I get back!!!Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-6631575204175595262016-11-09T06:40:00.001-08:002016-11-09T06:40:27.520-08:00wow...<div>
Well....<br />
<br />
Our first lady...<br />
<br />
<img alt="Image result for melania naked" class="mainImage accessible nofocus" data-bm="66" src="http://i.imgur.com/uvl1Zcs.jpg" tabindex="0" title="View source image" /><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
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</div>
Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621700273573281732.post-36272658141290411602016-11-08T07:10:00.001-08:002016-11-08T07:10:05.851-08:00Being AloneAm I alone?<br />
<br />
My friend lives on her own and one of the common issues is how lonely she feels much of the time. She spends a lot of time coming up with things to do and places to be in order to fight off the feeling of loneliness. She also says that anyone who comes over or wants to 'hang out' becomes an attempt to hook up, so she would rather be alone...but then she feels lonely and gets in her own head about everything and ends up depressed.<br />
<br />
I also get in my head and feel lonely, the difference is when I go home I have people around me. In my mind I think it would be better to just BE alone. Much of what I do for enjoyment is alone. I do not have any close friends in this city, just some people I know on one level. With my work and my wife's involvement with her activities we do not go out together very much.<br />
<br />
I try, I really do. This weekend I wanted to take her to a concert with me. It is a person I have wanted to see for a very long time, my kind of music. We used to have similar taste in music...not so much any more. I ended up going alone. I enjoyed the music...but I was very lonely the whole time and came away feeling depressed.<br />
<br />
At home I cannot stand the programs she watched on TV...she is not a fan of the ones I watch. There are a few we both like, the issue becomes time. With her schedule and mine there is not a lot of time we have to sit at the same time. I end up watching the show without her.<br />
<br />
My sport that I play a lot. Nobody in the stands anymore.<br />
<br />
I go out to eat alone...<br />
<br />
I go play games in the park alone...<br />
<br />
Should I look to change things?<br />
<br />
I can't remember always being alone but I guess I always have. I was always going to school or working. When I was not doing that I would go hiking, golfing, bike riding...etc...and I was almost always alone. Now, my memory sucks balls (the bad kind of ball sucking), so I can't remember why I was always alone. I am told, harshly, that I never invited my wife and would just go...which always bothered me because that I not what I usually do but I let it go, I do not want to fight.<br />
<br />
As I was at the concert the other day after trying to get her to go with me, I was thinking about the past and the future...basically getting all up in my fucking head again...and I remembered something. Just like she does now, she always claims she can't go or makes up an excuse to not go. The other day I seriously had to get into a fight to get her to go out and do something fun...she eventually did it.<br />
<br />
During the whole adventure she would go between lightly complaining to marginally cheerful. The whole time blaming me for "making" her do this. She seemed to be having fun. In the end it started a non-stop river of complaints about the activity and her skill and involvement. When the people we did the activity with asked me if she had fun, I had no idea how to answer.<br />
<br />
It hit me, I did and do ask her to go places and do things with me. However, she ALWAYS resists going anywhere and doing anything. I am also the planner and dooer, she is the homebody. <br />
<br />
"You just go." is something that is said quite often.<br />
<br />
So, I believed her, and I don't want to spend an hour convincing someone only to have it go to a fight.<br />
<br />
and I just go...<br />
<br />
She did tell me she had fun with the activity that we did. It was a soft moment with us and she smiled and thanked me. I then said we should go again, the couple we went with had fun and has been asking. She frowned, rolled her eyes, laughed and started complaining...I felt that click in my brain where I turn everything off and turned away.<br />
<br />
<br />Peter Principhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08139205951553259196noreply@blogger.com0