Fuzzy brain

For the past two days I have been tired, grumpy and unable to concentrate.  I call it fuzzy brain.

I don't like feeling like this, it usually happens before a bout of depression so I am trying to head it off.

I am going to the gym today, and scheduling some sports activities with friends.  I am avoiding alcohol and drugs and drinking lots of water.  I also got stuff to juice as it make me feel better.

I hate being the kind of guy who has funks...but I guess that is who I am.

There is a lot of change in my life right now, all for the good but still change takes adjustment.  I am not sure if that is what is bothering me or if it is something else.  It is tough when you can't put your finger on what the problem is.

I almost made an appointment with a new girl who looks fantastic.  It has been a long time and I don't think the Spinner is ever going to talk to me again.  What is the saying, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else..."

I did not make the appointment, I have a lot of fear of being caught, both LE and RL.  I don't want to screw up what I have in my life, no matter how much I miss sex.  It was also be necessary for me to not masturbate for about a week.  I find that when I spend too much time pleasuring myself, it is hard to get off with a real person.  No pussy can compete with the grip and feel of a good handjob.

I keep swearing off porn, the getting horny and going back to it like gangbusters.  It's not good for me to watch it all the time.

The other issue with an appointment is the money.  Blowing $400 in an hour is a little disturbing to me now.  When I had lost my mind and money was just a thing, I did not mind blowing thousands of dollars on pussy, booze, drugs and gambling.  However, now that I am grounded again (for now) it is hard to justify that expense.

Missing anyone

my wife is asleep next to me...
It is 1:00 am...on a Thursday night.

She hinted at sex tonight l but it was a weird hint.  We were debating, kind of.  It was the daily shows last show.  Facebook was blowing up with the debates.  We argued, we do not agree at all.

I am the liberal, she is not.

The spinner changed her Facebook photo, I tried to start a "Words with friends" game...no contact...

It still hurts, I still miss her.

I amnot sure when I can let her go....I wish I could....