Kink of the Week: CUM

So I am inspired to write after reading some other bloggers express their experiences with the stuff.

For a man it is the pinnacle of love making, or fucking.  For women, it seems like most like the stuff, it is a reward, or, depending on where it is deposited, a pleasant humiliation. 

For me it is a frustration.

I am a long fuck, and I tend to be a marathon man.  My fucking can go into an hour long...I used to like it...I thought it was a good thing, something that women would want.  "Strong like bull..."

Actually it is all complete bullshit.  My experience is, while women do not want a quick shot, they also do not want to be banged away for an hour or more at a time.  Even with lube it becomes difficult and even painful.

There is also the athletic and dehydration associated with a long rough fucking.  Leg cramping has been known to happen...try and cum with a hamstring in a knot.  Cumming with cottonmouth and sweat dripping in your eye...not fun.

I believe that the reason for my difficulty has been compounded by my habitual aggressive masturbation.  I squeeze too hard and do not use lube.  It is difficult to find time to get off, my life is busy and filled with people that can walk in at any second.  So when I can get off, I cannot lube up and take my time.  It is a dry palm, a tight squeeze and intense visuals.  I can cum in a matter of minutes on my own.

No pussy, mouth, ass or armpit can compete with the strength and know how of old Rosy...

I have tried to stop, to slow down, to wait a few days if I think I am about to get some.  I wish I was strong enough...after about 28 hours I get so horny that I cannot sleep.  My pillow I hold against me at night becomes the softest and cruelest tease to my cock and I quite literally cannot get a wink of sleep unless I take a moment and masturbate.

Sad to say most of my cum goes in a towel, the sink, or (the worst) right into the toilet.  It is a sad fate for such a wonderful substance.  So deserving of a more glorious place.

I will make a list of the most wonderful places I have cum.  The place is less important than the method for the naming of the place.  What I mean is, when I am about to cum and I ask in my husky "man about to cum" voice..."where do you want me to cum?" your next comment does it all for me...

No particular order:

1.  I was having trouble cumming.  I was laying on my back, she was on top of me facing away...a wonderful position.  I pulled out and started to masturbate, rather than moving she rubbed her pussy against the head and said, "cum on my pussy."  She held her lips open and rubbed the head just inside of her, my strokes got me off quickly and my cum started to erupt.  I expected her to get out of the way but she stayed, her face lit up with a smile as I coated her lips and mons.  When I was done she rolled on top of me, cupped her hand against her pussy and scooped up the cum in her hand.  She looked me in the eye as she put it all in her mouth and swallowed.  Her other hand was getting more...then she took my still hard and sensitive cock and put it back in her...it was dirty, sloppy an wonderful.

2.  Reverse cowgirl was the position.  This girl has a wonderful "Dime Sized Butt Hole" and a perfect body so the position was an absolutely amazing view.  She is also the tinniest girl I have ever been with (except for the midget which does not count) her legs were struggling to spread over my thighs.  She can really move her hips and was fucking me with exquisite gyrations.  I felt the tingle, "Can I cum in your mouth?"  She looked back and smiled, "Let me know when."  She said.   There was a rush of blood to my cock and it swelled, "Now,"  I said.  She must have felt it as she was already dismounting.  Her hand pulled the condom off and she engulfed my cock with her mouth, her hands jacking me off and the other cupping my balls...an expert if there ever was one.  I remember a lot of suction...many times a blowjob is just lose and wet mouth, but I remember her actually sucking hard.  I exploded, it lasted quite a while and I rode the feeling of her talented mouth and hands.  When I was finished she stood to walk to the bathroom...to spit and rinse her mouth.  I understood, but still was a little saddened, it makes me feel good when my cum is swallowed...weird...

3.  Someone who I see often, or had in the past.  We had been fucking for quite a while.  It was a hot sweaty mess, we took a water break then were right back at it.  I was afraid that the marathon man was going to take over, I concentrated on her face and her wonderful body...it is nice when I don't have to turn to mental porn...she is porn enough for me.  I felt my balls tighten against me and pulled out.  I did not ask, I also know she likes me to cum in her mouth.  I moved to my feet and she knelt next to me, mouth open.  Usually she engulfed me, however this time she just opened and stuck her tongue out, eyes closed.  I exploded.  Jets of cum painted her face and landed in her mouth.  The vision of what was happening made the orgasm more intense...when I was spent she took my cock in her mouth and sucked the last bit out of me.  Using her fingers she casually gathered up my spunk and licked it up.  It was SO casual, SO natural...I was in absolute love with her...(still am).  I collapsed into the bed, pulling her with me and we kissed.  There was cum on her lip and I licked it off then kissed her deeply, tasting both of us...

I enjoy being careful about my cum.  I do not smoke, I am rather healthy and I try to stay fit.  I drink a lot of water and only 1 cup of coffee a day.  I eat lots of fruit and veggies.  If I know I am going to be having sex, I usually try and eat pineapple or other citrus fruits the day before and the day of, and drink lots of water.

Once a friend of mine gave me BJ and asked me to cum in her mouth.  She smiled when I did and said, "You have a great diet!  You cum tastes fresh...like a salad..."

It was a nice complement, and it motivated me to always be a good steward of my cum.

Little Blue Pill : Loss of Love

In an effort to improve things with my spouse I have gotten the little blue pill.

I brought it up over some sushi, I did not want to offend her with the idea of using it.  The trouble is, I have issues getting it up and keeping it up with her.  It is all psychological, not physical.  My doctor seemed to instantly understand...it seems I am not the only gentleman who has issues.

I could have kept it a secret, but I am no good at little secrets...only big ones.

When I told her she was a little flustered, she mentioned the shower scene that starts "This is Forty".  I get it, I should not need it.  Then she went on, she does not want hours and hours of sex.  It seems like it is a marathon every time.  I stayed silent and let her speak.  Then she said it, "I also wonder who I am being compared to in bed, I am never enough."

I understand what she is saying and how she is feeling.  I do compare her "performance" to others.  She has no one but me to compare to, on her side.  However, I have many.

Ideally it should not have to be a "performance", it should be love making.  It used to be.  I remember it well.

I stayed silent.  I do not know what to say.  The issue is not how hard my cock is, or how fast or slow I can cum.  It is not about a performance or any visual stimulation.

It is about the loss of a connection.  The loss of love.

Live Music

I am a big fan of live music...I love music in general but live music and a texture that cannot be felt over the radio.  I am a particular fan on a band, well known.  I spend quite a bit of time listening to the type of music that this band plays.  I frequent a couple bars in the area where music is played live either in the spirit of this band or a direct cover band.  It really makes my week hum when I can go into it after spending an evening dancing and just loving their music. 

I am the only fan in my immediate group of friends..spouse included.  So, my time is spend at these alone...not that I mind...I am a good at being alone, many years of practice.  There are a couple of gals at the bars, they are there all the time, like me.  They are great looking, love to dance and generally seem rather interesting.

I wall flower a bit...but I also dream.

How nice it would be to dance with someone again.

Dancing is sexual, it is liberating, it is erotic.

I have not danced that way in a long time....

F4TF #2 – The Fine Line

In a monogamous relationship what constitutes cheating?
Is sexting cheating?
A stolen kiss at a party?
What about enjoying sexual fantasies about a co-worker or your spouse’s friend?
Where is the line?

So, I will join in.  Play along here https://foodforthoughtfriday.wordpress.com/

Let's get one thing clear to start, I am a cheater.  I make no bones about it.  I rationalize my behavior to some extent but for the most part I just compartmentalize and exist.

In my heart, totally non judgmental, I believe like Jimmy Carter believed.  A statement from his 1976 Playboy interview:

 

Christ said, "I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery." I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do—and I have done it—and God forgives me for it. But that doesn't mean that I condemn someone who not only looks on a woman with lust but who leaves his wife and shacks up with somebody out of wedlock. Christ says, don't consider yourself better than someone else because one guy screws a whole bunch of women while the other guy is loyal to his wife. The guy who's loyal to his wife ought not to be condescending or proud because of the relative degree of sinfulness.

 

 

If you sext...you have cheated.

 

If you kiss you have cheated.

 

If you jack off to the vision of another woman, you have cheated.

 

The line is rather clear from my point of view...which is over my shoulder most of the time, the questions stated a monogamous relationship.  However, your particular point of view is what shapes this.  If you are in a poly relationship or an open relationship the rules change.  There must be agreement between the parties involved and open communication.  If only one has knowledge of the event then it is cheating.

 

I also do not judge someone who sexts, kisses or strokes the king with another person in mind.  If it were up to me we would be open with all of this.  Hell if it were up to me my spouse and I would fuck people together, or she would look at sex as a long hug or a massage.

 

Thus my reality and my excuse/rationalization/complete bullshit that I tell myself.  My wife is not open, she is not poly and she believes any form of sexual anything should be between a husband and wife only.  When I bring up the idea of open sex or experimenting she gets mad and shuts it down...always has.  Even sex between a man and a wife is done in the dark in one position and as a duty, it is what we are suppose to do.

 

Does she want it...she says so.  Words are one thing...action is another.

 

Here is my rationalization and complete bull shit reason for doing what I do:

 

I am a good dog, I will stay on the porch...but you have to rub my belly every now and then...I will still come home to eat...but unless there is a reason to be on the porch...I am gone....

 



Honesty and the holidays

First let me define Honesty vs Truthfulness according to Peter...I need to rationalize my world in order for things to be compartmentalized.

Honesty:  Saying what you mean.

Truthfulness:  Telling your wife you cheat on her with hookers.

Honesty makes relationships better, truthfulness ruins everyone's life.


This whole post was sparked by a conversation about gifts and gift giving.  Specifically the need to reciprocate gift giving.  This time of the year there is a whole lot of guilt that goes around.  You can hear it in the way we speak:

"I need to get so and so a gift."

"Last year they got me that expensive thing and I only got them a little thing."

We have all heard them.  From loved ones to close friends, extended family, neighbors, coworkers, that chick you fuck on the side, the list could go on forever and for many it does.  We all think that we are the only one having that conversation, when in reality, everyone is doing it.

Here is my answer, long ago I told everyone, "Do not get me a gift."

Period, end of statement.  When I want something I go and buy it.  I do not need your trinket or gift card.  Most of the time I just recycle the trinket, and forget to use the gift card.  I appreciate that you thought of me, however, there is not what I want at all.

IF you want to do something, come and hang out with me.  Take me out to eat and use the damn gift card WITH me.  Write me a letter expressing you feelings, draw me a picture.  Understand that upon reading the letter or looking at the picture there is a 90% chance I will then throw it away...I do not keep stuff like that, my life is already full of paper.

In addition, understand that I will NOT be getting you a gift just because you got me a gift.  If I want to get you a gift it is because I REALLY like you (trust me, I do not do a lot of gifts) and I wanted to get you something.  I have a particular distain for people who give a gift then sit back and anticipate a gift in return...that is not in the spirit of giving.

Most of the time, I will just want to hang out with you, go to a concert or see some live music.  Buy you a beer or a meal.  I want friendship and memories not shit that I have to take care of.

Which brings me to my next point on honesty.  Paying for meals.

Have you ever been out with another couple or a group of people and the bill arrives.  Let me back up...if you want separate bills, say so at the start.  In a large group of people at the START of ordering, if you either #1 do not want to pay for everyone or #2 do not want to be the person stuck with figuring out how much everyone owes through long division and complex tax calculations that end up with you paying more than anyone else, speak up and say "Make my bill separate."

I am the loudmouth that will overpower everyone with my desire to have a separate bill.  Most people appreciate my vocal intolerance to bill splitting.  Those that do not, can suck it...no that would be a reward...they can NOT suck it.

IF it is a couple going out to eat, and I offer to pay for the whole thing and you say, "No, I got it."  Then I answer with, "OK!"  I do not argue.  If you want to pay...you pay.  I am not going to get into some stupid one upping on who is going to pay argument.  If you want to split, Fuck you, you should have said it when we ordered.  If you offer me cash I will take it, I am not going to reject your cash and have a stupid argument where you put the cash on the table and say, "well, I am just going to leave it then."  If you offer to pay the tip, then ok...you get the tip...CASH ONLY!  I am not going to do some weird credit card tip shit.

Also, if I buy, you are under NO obligation to buy next time...remember if you want to keep score and buy next time, I will not argue.  However, I will also not reciprocate just because you bought last time.  This is not to say that I do not keep some sort of score.  If you always buy and I feel that I should, then I will say, "You should really let me get this one."  I will say it at the BEGINING of the meal.  If you are rich as fuck and always want to buy...I will not even offer...because if I was rich as fuck I would not expect anyone else to buy...ever...

My spouse does not believe the way I do.  She will have the stupid arguments at the dinner table.  She will want to split the check between 12 people and a dog.  She will reject your money to the point of stupidity.  She feels like she HAS to buy gifts for people that do not matter one bit I our lives.

Does this seem harsh?  Am I a dick?

Maybe...but I prefer to be a dick then deal with all the tit for tat shit that happens.

When do you know...

The past week I have spent a lot of time wondering when it is time to leave.  Not if...but when.

I goggled info for therapists for sex addiction, infidelity, sexual disorders and depression.  I feel like I need to talk to someone and get some sort of guidance.  I also wonder if I am looking for someone to make the decision for me, to tell me it's ok to leave.

The truth is I am very comfortable in many ways.  I see others who get divorced and the aftermath is never good, even years later I do not see things improving.  I DO however see older couples who when through hard times and stayed together and live their twilight years in love.  I have seen older couples work through cheating issues, sex issues, personality issues...all of it, and find happiness.

In a way I want my cake and to eat it too...but is that so bad?!?  Is that not the purpose of having a fucking cake...to eat said cake!

I get angry, quickly and for little reason at my spouse.  She looks sexy in her jeans, I give her a hug and a little kiss and she kisses back and gives me the eye.  Later, I scoot closer to snuggle, touch.  However, she is comfortable just sitting and playing on her phone.  Not wanting to invade her space I gently touch her, like she has said she likes.  We sit together, me touching, she playing on her phone.  Every now and then she smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

Although I try, it never goes beyond this.

By "Try" I mean I struggle mentally on IF I should move forward.  She makes no effort...none.

In the end we go to bed like we always do.  She sleeps, I get out my iPad and quietly masturbate to sex stories until I am close.  Then I go to the bathroom to finish.

In the morning after I leave she "wakes up wet" and uses her vibrators to pleasure herself.  When she tells me she "woke up wet" from a dream it just makes me mad.

I can't be too damn bitchy, when we do have sex I can't get hard.  Many times it takes some X or LSD to get me loosened up enough were I can get her to play.  Then my dick does not cooperate.  Usually I just cannot get hard for her at all.

I am considering Viagra.

SO, when do you know.  When you sit each night 4 feet from each other and imagine another life.  When after 25 years things just keep getting worse.  When I feel like I have already given up my prime "fucking" years to shameful masturbation and increasingly degrading porn.  When I keep thinking that although the grass may not be greener on the other side of the fence, at least I can take a roll in it every now and then...

So when do you know?