So, it is now almost March and I have not had sex this year.
It is the longest I have been without sex in about 10 years from what I can remember. I can't blame anyone other than myself. At home I have not even tried. There is still a lack of attraction to my spouse. Part of that is the weight she has put on and cannot get rid of due to her sedentary lifestyle and prolific wine habit she has developed. We can't blame injury any more, she is all healed.
The other part is her personality changes or my reaction to her personality. She just annoys me and does not turn me on anymore...ever. Unless I take extacy or LSD or smoke a LOT of good pot...I really don't get excited by her. It's frustrating, but I don't want to "try" and not be able to get an erection. Or start having sex and lose my erection halfway through. That is what has happened in the past and it fucks with her head and causes a huge fight for weeks.
Additionally, she never even tries to initiate sex. This is not a new thing, she never has. It is one of the main complaints that I have had for many, many years. It has not changed in over two decades, why would it change now. While she says she wants sex (well, she used to say that) she never starts it and usually declines when offered. However she will say, "Yes, we NEED to have sex. Lets schedule that". Fuck you...I will beat off instead.
The girl I was seeing on the side for the past...holy shit...10 years now...the spinner, has been non existent in my life this year. She is busy with...whatever she does all day. And I have been busy with my life and not too excited to get caught in her web again. It becomes endless hours of being strung along and sitting in cars waiting for a response. Broken dates, broken promises...then a lot of complaining about everything under the sun. When we do finally get to spend some NON crazy time together and talk or hook up it is quite amazing. The emotional toll it takes to get there is exhausting.
I have thought about looking for another hook-up, someone else to have sex with but I can't seem to pull the trigger. Part of that is financial. I really don't want to spend money, I have too many other things I am trying to get rolling in my life and it is working. I don't want to blow money on sex when I can apply it to debt and investments. Also, there is just not anyone who really catches my eye right now. Other than a little porn star who I realized lives in the same city as me and is looking for a sugar daddy, but I am not a big enough sugar daddy for her...I KNOW that it would not work out...she needs someone with SERIOUS money, and I believe she will find them at some point.
So, it is just me and my palm and pornhub for now. I am trying to focus on other things.
I do have some out of town trips planned soon...to some cities with some rather good looking girls also. So...maybe the drought will end?
