Stop crossing your eyes

 I love porn.

You could make an argument that I am addicted to porn.  In the private browser on my phone I have about 200 tab open of porn.  I have accounts on all the major platforms and I index movies that I like, not all the time, but I have them.  I also read sex stories, lots of them.  To the point that I have to leave them alone for a while to let more stories get posted because I have read them all.  I also write sex stories, I have posted a few but I have many more that are not posted at all, just for me.

I have one I have been writing for the past four months.  I enjoy the hell out of getting myself all turned on as I imagine this scene and turn it into words on a page.  I dream of the different situations and the story, how to build the desire and tease the reader (me).  Most of the story is set up to the sexy parts, I really try to make it realistic as possible.

Anyway, back to the topic.  Recently I have noticed that the run thing for the girls to do is to cross their eyes and stick out their tongue.  I have no idea why it turns me off, but it does.  It just looks stupid. I guess I should not be too surprised with titles such as, "Stupid Cum Sluts", why can't it just be "Cum Sluts"...why do they have to be stupid...

I think this is why I gravitate more toward amateur porn or casting porn.  It tends to be much more real.  I actually purchased a membership to one online porn site, my first ever.  It is a Gloryhole site.  I like that the focus is on the girl blowing and fucking.

Back to the weird faces.  It’s just as bad as fake sex sounds.  Do you know how all pilots sound the same?  Well, it is because they all started to mimic Chuck Yager back in the early days of flight.  It’s a voice they all do. Pornstar sex sounds are the same.  Simone famous shouted, “yes, yes, yes, yeeeesssss.” And everyone just repeated it.

Whoever crossed their eyes and stuck out their tongue first…kudos to you.  Innovation!  Everyone else…just stop.

Normal?

 I don't know what happened.  

Maybe it was the mushrooms that Hera finally took with me, but we reconnected.  We also did MDMA together one night, she loves it.  Somehow we have both decided to just be sexual with each other again.  We fucked...and fucked...and fucked.

I feel like it should have been this way the whole relationship, just sexually relaxed and open.  It feels good to just have sex with her.  She has let me wake up and fuck her...we have fucked in the day...things that before we just did not do, she would not allow it.  Sex was always done at night, in the dark, in one way...it is nice to see her let go.  It is nice to be able to be open about being sexual without being shamed.

I spent two months actively not texting the Spinner.  She has not answered a text since last July anyway.  I still think about her way to often.  I still dream about her most nights.  I still have days where I look into the void and question myself for not following my ... heart?  dick?  lust?  desire?  Love?

I know that I have a vision of her that is not 100% who she is.  There are many things that we see differently.  Politically we are not aligned (I don't think so anyway).  Emotionally we are vastly different.  Our communication styles are polar opposite.  She is also decades younger and way more active and social.  Basically I am understanding that it would most likely not work in the long run.

However, despite all that...I long for her still.  Sexually I have never been so in sync with a person.  It was pure passion...every...fucking...time...

I did finally text...a desperate lonely text in a inebriated bout of lonely nostalgia.  I expected silence...I got a thumbs up to a photo that I sent two months ago.  My head spun and my heart pounded at that thumbs up...it was something...but also nothing.  I get it...she is safe and happy in her relationship and would not want to fuck it up...I am also not willing to blow up my family.  

I will wait as long as I can to text again, but I can honestly say that no matter what is happening in my life...I will always be open to seeing her again..

Hera and I have made a major breakthrough, about 30 years late, but better late than never.  

I will always cherish the Spinner and you never know what the future holds.