Well, I figured it was time for an update. Not that anyone reads this at all anymore. I have spent the last week reading my entire blog, even the now unpublished first part that started in 2008. There was a feeling of nostalgia, fear, shame and a whole lot of heartache.
Where to start?
I don’t really play anymore. I did see a wonderful girl about a year or more ago. She is very sexy and the sex was very good. It was my first time experiencing a female condom. It felt like real sex. So good I came rather quickly, I was frankly suprised.
I wish I would have let her blow me longer. She was very good, wet, soft, deep, just the right speed. We had spent about 40 minutes talking getting the nerves out. When we went to the bedroom I just told her I was nervous and needed her to take the lead. She smiled and said, “sure! Thank you for telling me.”
I have wanted to see her again but she was also quite expensive and unlike my past, I am financially responsible now. She also has many duos and they look amazing…so…maybe at some point.
About 6 months ago I saw another provider. She was thin and petite and her photos looked good. I have no real reason why I did it, I just wanted some strange. It was a long term hotel type place by a strip club. An area I have been before, the Sasquatch experience and the girl with all the animals in a small hotel room were in this area.
When I met her I realized that skinny was an understatement, she was almost anorexic in her appearance. Cute, small, smoking pot from a pen. She talked and I wanted to turn and walk away. Little white girl who talked like she was from the getto. I detest that speech pattern but I stayed because I am an addict and nothing turns me on more then completely debasing myself.
We got down to business. Small protective kisses. She was very clean so we did the 69. I miss a good 69. Her small mouth and my cock were not agreeing, however. She gagged with just the head in. I moved a hand back and gently slipped a finger in, just the tip.
I should have asked…she rolled off quickly. I apologized, no rules were stated prior to starting and I had been rubbing her with fingers. She shrugged it off but I could tell she was a little wary. She tried to blow me again but couldn’t get more than the head of my cock in her mouth.
I asked if she wanted to fuck and she answered , “yes daddy.”
Ugh…
I slipped on the hat and we started. She was wet and pulled me into her but apparently she could not handle my size. I was less than halfway in and she was flinching. I checked in with her and asked if she had a better position she would want to try and she just shook her head and kept trying.
I hate hurting people. I wanted to cum but this was just not fun. I withdrew and pulled the condom, opting to finish with my hand. I looked at her cute body and small tits and eventually finished on her chest, her bad sex sounds did not help at all.
I left feeling cheap, dirty and sad.
I miss the Spinner.
I miss her with everything I am.
She broke me in ways that cannot heal.
We have talked a few time via text. I don’t think we will ever be together again. I text her about every 3 month and she has only answered once. It makes me sad but happy for her.
I saw the red head. One last go. It was good, she is wonderfully slutty and I like it. But I just can’t anymore.
Hera and I have become very sexual. It is not perfect and I have trouble cumming, she is not the spinner. I was flogging her with a leather toy, she likes being spanked…who knew, and she was sucking my cock, she likes it now…who knew. I liked her pussy to multiple O’s…she can do that now.
Later as we lay in our pool of sweat and cum she wondered out loud why we could not have found this sexual freedom with each other earlier in life. Saying something to the effect of how sad it is that she is this old and just finding sexual pleasure. It made me mad…and happy…and sad…all at once.
We are playful all the time. Sexual all the time. Quiet and understanding. Occasionally we still fight, but we give up quickly and reconcile. I see her beauty and love her deeply but I am still a fucking… dirty, little, slut, sex addict…
SSDD
