It is something that I struggle with, depression. I don't like to think of myself as manic, other people in my family are, but I can defiantly display some manic type behavior. It frustrates me when I see myself doing it and I try to do things to keep me on an even keel. It sometimes works, sometimes does not.
Lately I have been doing well, but a busy couple of weeks, and injury, a lingering illness, and a pile of just plain shitty stuff that I have allowed to pile up and get me down. When I get down it is a huge struggle to get back up. I feel dissatisfied with everything in my life, although my rational mind tells me that everything is not that bad.
I look to escape, to porn, video games, drugs, alcohol, sex...
It is my MO.
Lately porn and alcohol has been my crutch. I am moving forward but just barely. I wonder what it is like to NOT have this dark cloud always on the horizon. Do other people have to weather psychological storms like this? How do they do it?
I keep making commitments to dig myself out of this, but every time I start to make some progress in feeling better I allow something else to get me right back down.
Not a sexy post, but an honest one...