It's been a while

So here I am.  Still kicking around the net, just not as much any more.  I think the bug to share my experiences went away with the decision to not be as involved with the Spinner any more.  Do I miss it, sometimes...but apparently not enough to come back too often.

The only exciting sexual thing that has happened is that I booked a call girl when I was in Las Vegas.  It has been a long time since I had been with anyone.  I was sick of jacking off and was really missing the Spinner and feeling like I might be tempted to get back involved.  I figured it would be a great way to have some naughty fun and scratch the itch.

She was very cute, however, not all that in the sack.  It was more me than her.  I was nervous, I did not know her, it has been a long day and was very late.  There was also a little false advertising on her part.  Namely her tits...not what I expected, not bad per say, just not what I had envisioned.  We still had a nice time.  She spent a long time telling me about her family and her life, which was a "white trash novel".  Full of meth, multiple dads, jail and running away to be a stripper/hooker in sin city.

After listening to it all I just felt bad...but still horny...so we still fucked, but that shit was in the back of my mind the whole time.

In the end it just did not match up to sex with the Spinner.  I tell you, that girl can fuck...no lie.

I am still in therapy but have taken a break, mainly due to the therapist going on vacation and my busy schedule.  I am not sure if I should tell the therapist about Las Vegas, but then I wonder why I want to pay someone to lie to them.  I also wonder why I started going in the first place.  Was it business/financial stress, home/relation stress, woman on the side/Spinner stress or a great big combination of it all.

Has it helped? Sure..I guess.

I have someone to talk to, to call me on my shit.  The advice that has been given I have not really followed up on.  Mainly, how can I mend my relationship at home.  How can I get attracted to my spouse again.  The work that it is going to take to do that seems laborious and damn near hopeless.  Additionally, I am not sure that is what I want, but I am sure it is what I should do.

Then the part of my brain that says, "We only get one trip on this wagon ride, make it count," chimes in and all I want is to run to the spinner and profess my love.  God knows what that would do to everyone's life.  Also, there is a great chance that I would end up just like all the other poor guys that have been there before me and had their carcasses and bank accounts sucked dry, left in her wake.

I know she does not mean to do it, she is just surviving, but I don't want to end up another victim.

I don't have much else to say.  Hell, I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore...