When I get frustrated I get horny. It has always been that way. I seek porn, I write porn stories, I fantasize about sex...I beat off.
"Gotta get the poison out!"
That is how I feel. It makes me feel a little better for a while but if the frustration continues, and it always does, I need to do it more.
Today is one of those days, very frustrating. I have been busy for weeks and no slow down in sight. It is good to be busy but there is also a lot of change going on and lots of moving parts. Things are getting missed and not everything is going smooth. I am a people pleaser and when I can't please someone I get frustrated...then horny.
I now understand why people retire. I always wanted to work till I died. Never stop, just progress. Lately I have been wishing I could just quit and do nothing...forever. Have enough money just to play around and hang out. Maybe I will win the lottery and that will me my new thing...just quitting.
There is a satisfaction in doing good work and I like it. There is also a frustration in wanting to be perfect at everything and failing somewhere always. I am not perfect...but I want to be.
My frustrated and horny ass needs another break to get the poison out...wish I had someone to help me....
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Silence is golden...
I have been silent for a while. Not much to share.
I retook ownership of this blog after letting it go. It is difficult to let go something that was this important to me. I know that some people still stalk it, some people are digging for information also. I have tried to write a post for quite a while but keep deleting it...we will see if this one makes it.
I think that the biggest thing to mention is where am I with the Spinner...the answer...nowhere. The Other Guy won...
It's no surprise, I was on the sideline and he was in the game. It is best for them both, I guess, I think that the BF is out of the picture also, at least I hope he is. Here is how it went down...
The Spinner and I were still friends and hooking up every now and then. Many times just having a beer and some food and talking. It was a lot of fun and I really miss her bubbly fun conversations. She moved into a new place with The Other Guy and stuff really slowed down. He was coming down on her to straighten up and commit to him, which I actually told her was a good idea. I told her that she has a guy who makes good money, left everything for her and professes his love often, he is pissed because you keep a bevy of other guys around for her own weird feeling of security.
I knew that the end was coming but he started to monitor her phone and email and she told me not to contact her anymore, that she would reach out if and when she could. This never happened. Once or twice she answered a text but told me she could not text and would get in trouble and kicked out. Can I blame the guy...no, I can't. With her you would have to make the choice to share or draw the line. He shared (like it or not) for quite a while, and it did not work out that well for him or her.
I would message or text into the void...
Blasting sweet nothings into the ether and hoping for some sort of response...
nothing...
Total black out...
Like an addict I would hold out, willpower, waiting a week between attempting contact.
Also like an addict I would get drunk and break down and flood the universe with texts and messages of love and regret. In the end it would all be hallow and selfish, I cannot give her anything more than what I want to take. She is better off and I know it.
It became less and less, I deleted her number, erased the old messages.
The pangs became less and less over time. Still sometimes they are so intense I have to jolt myself into reality. I have visions of me driving up to the condo and knocking on the door...professing my love...then...what...nothing...just rejection...or if she does accept me, what good am I to her?
I have let her go and am still letting pieces of her go every week.
I still miss her dearly, I will always remember her, I will occasionally check her FB photo and maybe even like it...
She will always be my fantasy, she was from the first day I met her.
It is better for us both, there were a thousand ways for things to end but they did and must end.
I will always lover her and will always second guess my decision, play the "what if" game.
Best sex ever...no competition...for a sex addict that is very hard to let go.
I retook ownership of this blog after letting it go. It is difficult to let go something that was this important to me. I know that some people still stalk it, some people are digging for information also. I have tried to write a post for quite a while but keep deleting it...we will see if this one makes it.
I think that the biggest thing to mention is where am I with the Spinner...the answer...nowhere. The Other Guy won...
It's no surprise, I was on the sideline and he was in the game. It is best for them both, I guess, I think that the BF is out of the picture also, at least I hope he is. Here is how it went down...
The Spinner and I were still friends and hooking up every now and then. Many times just having a beer and some food and talking. It was a lot of fun and I really miss her bubbly fun conversations. She moved into a new place with The Other Guy and stuff really slowed down. He was coming down on her to straighten up and commit to him, which I actually told her was a good idea. I told her that she has a guy who makes good money, left everything for her and professes his love often, he is pissed because you keep a bevy of other guys around for her own weird feeling of security.
I knew that the end was coming but he started to monitor her phone and email and she told me not to contact her anymore, that she would reach out if and when she could. This never happened. Once or twice she answered a text but told me she could not text and would get in trouble and kicked out. Can I blame the guy...no, I can't. With her you would have to make the choice to share or draw the line. He shared (like it or not) for quite a while, and it did not work out that well for him or her.
I would message or text into the void...
Blasting sweet nothings into the ether and hoping for some sort of response...
nothing...
Total black out...
Like an addict I would hold out, willpower, waiting a week between attempting contact.
Also like an addict I would get drunk and break down and flood the universe with texts and messages of love and regret. In the end it would all be hallow and selfish, I cannot give her anything more than what I want to take. She is better off and I know it.
It became less and less, I deleted her number, erased the old messages.
The pangs became less and less over time. Still sometimes they are so intense I have to jolt myself into reality. I have visions of me driving up to the condo and knocking on the door...professing my love...then...what...nothing...just rejection...or if she does accept me, what good am I to her?
I have let her go and am still letting pieces of her go every week.
I still miss her dearly, I will always remember her, I will occasionally check her FB photo and maybe even like it...
She will always be my fantasy, she was from the first day I met her.
It is better for us both, there were a thousand ways for things to end but they did and must end.
I will always lover her and will always second guess my decision, play the "what if" game.
Best sex ever...no competition...for a sex addict that is very hard to let go.
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