Silence is golden...

I have been silent for a while.  Not much to share.

I retook ownership of this blog after letting it go.  It is difficult to let go something that was this important to me.  I know that some people still stalk it, some people are digging for information also.  I have tried to write a post for quite a while but keep deleting it...we will see if this one makes it.

I think that the biggest thing to mention is where am I with the Spinner...the answer...nowhere.  The Other Guy won...

It's no surprise, I was on the sideline and he was in the game.  It is best for them both, I guess, I think that the BF is out of the picture also, at least I hope he is.  Here is how it went down...

The Spinner and I were still friends and hooking up every now and then.  Many times just having a beer and some food and talking.  It was a lot of fun and I really miss her bubbly fun conversations.  She moved into a new place with The Other Guy and stuff really slowed down.  He was coming down on her to straighten up and commit to him, which I actually told her was a good idea.  I told her that she has a guy who makes good money, left everything for her and professes his love often, he is pissed because you keep a bevy of other guys around for her own weird feeling of security.

I knew that the end was coming but he started to monitor her phone and email and she told me not to contact her anymore, that she would reach out if and when she could.  This never happened.  Once or twice she answered a text but told me she could not text and would get in trouble and kicked out.  Can I blame the guy...no, I can't.  With her you would have to make the choice to share or draw the line.  He shared (like it or not) for quite a while, and it did not work out that well for him or her.

I would message or text into the void...

Blasting sweet nothings into the ether and hoping for some sort of response...

nothing...

Total black out...

Like an addict I would hold out, willpower, waiting a week between attempting contact.

Also like an addict I would get drunk and break down and flood the universe with texts and messages of love and regret.  In the end it would all be hallow and selfish, I cannot give her anything more than what I want to take.  She is better off and I know it.

It became less and less, I deleted her number, erased the old messages.

The pangs became less and less over time.  Still sometimes they are so intense I have to jolt myself into reality.  I have visions of me driving up to the condo and knocking on the door...professing my love...then...what...nothing...just rejection...or if she does accept me, what good am I to her?

I have let her go and am still letting pieces of her go every week.

I still miss her dearly, I will always remember her, I will occasionally check her FB photo and maybe even like it...

She will always be my fantasy, she was from the first day I met her.

It is better for us both, there were a thousand ways for things to end but they did and must end.

I will always lover her and will always second guess my decision, play the "what if" game.

Best sex ever...no competition...for a sex addict that is very hard to let go.