We did a trip as a whole family. It was great, fun in the sun and a lot of time to just chill. There were a few moments when my wife nearly went ballistic on me. I felt it brewing and I back away. It was a bit sad.
"You used to like my hair wild." she said.
Her hair was very wind blown and frizzy. It looked like a helmet. I asked if she wanted to put her hair up before we left for dinner.
When she answered me there was profound sadness in her voice and a hint of anger.
I used to like a lot of things...
The last time we had sex was exactly one year ago on this same vacation. I know that she also knows this, although neither of us have mentioned it. I cannot imagine having sex with her anymore. I have one Viagra left and I am not sure that even that will do it.
At one point I was very high and I started to touch her, sexually. She looked down at me and said, "You must be very high...you're touching me..."
Again sadness blanketed over both of us and the moment passed.
We are both overweight.
We are both in a constant depression.
We are both trapped.
We both have a deep love for each other.
We both want this to end.
Neither of us want to get divorced and split up our family.
I still have no idea what to do, except keep getting up in the morning and trying to be a better person.
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