This summer has been a mixed bag so far. On the business front things are going better than ever. My personal finances are on the upswing and I am starting to save for retirement, something that has been put off far too long. I am even getting my children to start planning for theirs, although there is some push back on that front. It seems that the new generation does not trust the financial system in the USA. I don't blame them, however, just because one part is broken does not mean that investing in general is broken.
On the down side I am feeling lonely again and the future seems without hope. How fucking melodramatic of me. Even writing that pisses me off. I am tired and right now I don't want to fight any of my battles, I just want to give up. I keep waiting for something to go horribly wrong, which leads to bouts of anxiety. It is a downward spiral that I want to stop.
I have not been screwing around at all. Everyone is gone or has found someone else. Even if I did want to step out, I would have no idea how to. All the laws have made things much harder and much more dangerous. I don't want to be a victim of this nations stupid laws, so I stay away from all if it.
My imagination is my only escape, the stories that I make up keep the sexual side of me going, otherwise I feel like it would just shut off entirely. I feel like putting some of these down on paper. Writing has always been a good sexual escape for me, and one without any repercussions. The process of putting pen to paper and making a fantasy into a "real" thing gets aroused.
Maybe I will share some of what I have been imagining...
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