The great by and by

Almost two years since I last posted.  The last week I have been reading both my blogs.  The original blog from 2010 where I started seeing prostitutes and carving out a private sexual fantasy for myself, and the new old blog that I created after some asshat person threatened to put me...

Candy posted again...

I am glad that she is still around...

I will be a grandpa in 5 months, a baby boy.  They youngest daughter...still at home...

They are young and stupid, just like I was...who knows what will happen, but I have a little human to take care of again.  It will be a bit different this time, a step away...maybe, who knows.  I am ready for it, I was born to be a grandpa.

Hera and I are...good...comfortable...still fighting every now and then...not fucking a lot... a bit out of shape and feeling our age.  I have tried really hard.  Two years of counseling, a lot of self reflection, time away from the Spinner and the Red Head.  A lot of focus on my business and myself.  A whole lot of lessons learned in business and my personal life...who to trust...and nearly 200K lost...

I am in a better place today then I have ever been, COVID and all.

Debt is being paid off.

Retirement is more than funded.

Bank account is flush.

Business is humming along better than ever.

Soon I will be taking care of the big debt that has been hanging over my head since 2008...

The Red Head has moved on and so have I.  She is still out there doing her thing, she reconnected with her kid.  Good for her.  Beyond that I just don’t know.  She texted me a sexy picture a few months ago...I can’t remember if I answered or not...most likely not.

The Spinner...well...I have not seen her in over a year.  We text occasionally.  She has a new “Other Guy”.  The first Other Guy moved north for a great job.  He wanted her to come with him, have a new life.  I told her to go...she decided to stay...not for me...but out of fear or something.  He paid for her life for a long time...I was frankly shocked.  The guy is almost saintly for his support...when he stopped she was shocked but I 100% understood.

The Next Guy is very similar to the Other Guy.  Left a wife and kids and trail of damage in his wake. I lost a lot of respect for the Spinner when she freaked out about him wanting to take care of his kids...seriously narcissistic statements.

I still miss her and want her, kind of...I have not even attempted to set anything up.  She is as flaky as the day I met her.  Still...I want her...

I saw a provider a few months ago.  I thought it was the small wonderful agency girl that I loved so much...pictures where similar...same agency just reborn under a new name.  I held my breath as I walked into the apartment complex to the unlocked door.  Stepping in my heart was beating in my chest and I felt light headed.  It had been a while and I was nervous and hopeful...

She walked into the room and smiled...it was not her...bleached blond fried hair...lots of random tattoos that I call graffiti trash tattoos.  Skinny but a little too skinny...  Good looking but not great...

Sex was good...not the sports fuck I wanted...but not everyone can fuck like a goddess...

Her pussy was not my favorite...not by a long shot.  Maybe I just was expecting something different.  I had to jack off to cum as I lost my hard on halfway through.  I was too much in my head and felt overwhelmed by it all...it had been a long time since I had been touched sexually and frankly I felt fragile...

I left and drove home...

Depression, my old friend, tried to pull me under and I resisted...this is just life...nothing permanent...

The spinner hints at meeting up...I doubt it...but if she asks I will be there..

Counseling was good...but I did not go to be cured, I did not go for answers or for clarity.  I just wanted someone to listen and tell me I was fucking crazy, stupid or understandable...I got nothing.  Their job is not to judge.  In the end it was a good two year detachment from the dangers of the Spinner...

What does the future hold?  Fuck if I know.  I am overweight, undersexed and moderately happy...am I allowed to ask for more?

We are doing a COVID workout and I have rekindled rock climbing with my boys...they did not believe that I had the knowledge and skills until I drove them to the mountains and taught them how to do it.  I have had a long and exciting life and I know a lot of shit...old man shit...knots and belying systems..

They had fun and it is our new hobby.

I’m still coach.  High school now.  State championship.  Takes a lot of time...time that I can’t spend on my other life.  I hope we have a season this year...

So.  Kenny or Peter is still out and about, more reserved and safer, but still there.  Soon to be grandpa...

What a long strange trip...