Saturday, June 11, 2016

A return to who I was?

I know that many of you do not know anything about me.

When I read my blog, my current blog, it is not a representation of my journey.

I remember who I "was".  The me before.

Honest, dedicated, a true man.

My father, who everyone assumed had cheated on his wife....did not.

My grandfather in law, who did cheat and admitted it...was forgiven for it.

Who do I respect.  Who do I choose to be my guide.

They both represent a part of who I am.

One is dead, the other had a stroke tonight and lies dieing.

My life is a shithole of complex drama that I am sick of.  I want to quit it all...

My most true love I have betrayed...

I am not the man I thought I was.

If I could go back 10 years and face myself, I would punch me in the fucking  face, I would in a heartbeat.

I can't live with myself anymore.


  1. Peter, I don't know you that's true but this post is very worrisome. Are you okay or do you need help?

  2. Thank you for your concern. I had been drinking after some bad news, never a good combo.

    The only help I need is how to find myself again...

    It's funny whey you get what you always wanted and find out it is not what you thought you were going to get...

    I am in the process of extricating myself from a situation that I put myself into, and it is not easy...someone will always be hurt...

    Sorry to sound so dramatic.

  3. So sorry to hear my old blog friend.

    I hope there are better days ahead. As much as I enjoy what we do, I find absolutely no relief, no rest, no escape in our jobs. So find what peace you can and good luck w all the lies ahead.