I know that many of you do not know anything about me.
When I read my blog, my current blog, it is not a representation of my journey.
I remember who I "was". The me before.
Honest, dedicated, a true man.
My father, who everyone assumed had cheated on his wife....did not.
My grandfather in law, who did cheat and admitted it...was forgiven for it.
Who do I respect. Who do I choose to be my hero...my guide.
They both represent a part of who I am.
One is dead, the other had a stroke tonight and lies dieing.
My life is a shithole of complex drama that I am sick of. I want to quit it all...
My most true love I have betrayed...
I am not the man I thought I was.
If I could go back 10 years and face myself, I would punch me in the fucking face, I would in a heartbeat.
I can't live with myself anymore.
Peter, I don't know you that's true but this post is very worrisome. Are you okay or do you need help?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern. I had been drinking after some bad news, never a good combo.
ReplyDeleteThe only help I need is how to find myself again...
It's funny whey you get what you always wanted and find out it is not what you thought you were going to get...
I am in the process of extricating myself from a situation that I put myself into, and it is not easy...someone will always be hurt...
Sorry to sound so dramatic.
So sorry to hear my old blog friend.
ReplyDeleteI hope there are better days ahead. As much as I enjoy what we do, I find absolutely no relief, no rest, no escape in our jobs. So find what peace you can and good luck w all the lies ahead.